it ain't easy, darling.

One hell of a day

2012-02-11T01:56:00.000+13:00

Indeed, but that was one hell of a day. One of the sweetest days in my life :)

long gone.

2012-02-08T04:05:00.001+13:00

These few weekends have been tiring, I have to admit. I've been driving from and to Johor Bahru every weekend for a month now. But in the end, it all worth it. I get to see my favorite people, and I never regret driving 400kms home for that.

A day before yesterday, I went out with the guy I love and became ourselves. Afterwards, I looked through the pictures and was reminded of why I love him, and what I love about being with him.

And yesterday I went to the zoo with my extended family. It was unplanned, really. I woke up that morning and realized that we have nowhere to be at during a rare long weekend like it was yesterday. So I asked my sister if she likes the idea of going to Bukit Cerakah, then I remembered that I left my running shoes in college, so we changed to the zoo. A few calls and the next thing we know we're already at the zoo. Haha.

My friends (Nisya especially, Naim included) do not understand my fascination with zoo. I can't help it, the animals are cute! My favorites are lions, Malayan tiger, orang utan and penguinsssssss.

Swim swim;

2012-01-27T21:33:00.000+13:00

The other day we (as in me, him, his cousins, his cousin's girlfriend and her sister) a went for a little swim at quite a hidden place ;) Well THEY swam, I sat by the pool since I was having pretty bad allergic reaction. He was being very adorbzzz ♥

Flying with JFK

2012-01-27T03:07:00.000+13:00

So the story is actually like this. I intend to make 2012 the awesomest year of my life by achieving something every month, since 2011 was pretty awesome too. I mean, if you had a great year, would you want a worse one the next? I don't know if I make sense right now but let's just go with it k?

I wouldn't go on with what happened in 2011 because that would take up a lot of space.

So for January 2012, I crossed one thing off my bucket list. I finally got up in the air with ze awesome JFK! Been wanting to fly with this guy since I was freaking 15 years old, and finally, 8 years later my wish is granted hehe. Well the story was (basically) told yesterday, so today it's pictures time!

p.s: I got to sit in front and actually took control of the plane for a brief minute (tak sure sampai seminit ke tak pun hehe), HUMONGOUS THANKS to JFK! ♥

from JFK's camera. The rest are all from mine.

Page 26 of 366

2012-01-26T14:39:00.002+13:00

So my sister's getting engaged soon. The boyfriend's family will come to 'risik' her like, next week. This week we're having major cleanout. Like, serious cleaning. They throw out so many stuff and books, but the sad part is I have no place to put my stuff since many areas of the house is nowe labeled "strictly no stuff here".

So I said to my mom,
"Mak.. Hawa nak move out la macam ni"
"La.. kenapa?"
"Dah takde tempat nak letak barang I.. Letak sini kena alih.. Letak situ kena buang.. There's no room for my stuff anymore"
"Alaaaaa jangan lah pindahhhh"

Aisehmen excuse tak cukup kuat -.-"

Anyways, yesterday I went out with Kesayangan to Putrajaya to sort some stuff out. And it was my fault, kaki dia jadi lagi teruk :( today he has to see the doctor for some more incision :'( Hope you'll go through it well syg.

And later in the afternoon I went to Subang to see JFK. We're supposed to fly over Subang for a few rounds of evening sky tour, but the weather was a real bummer. So we hang out instead, which was even more cooler hehe. We're gonna see if the weather's good enough today, and I'll post the videos/pictures if we do fly today!

Pictures of yesterday. (page 18 of 366)

2012-01-19T00:07:00.000+13:00

Since the second week of December till last weekend, my HDD has been playing hide and seek with me. So to finally retrieve the photos I kept in the HDD is indescribable.

So I went through all the photos. And now I miss our sweet, small apartment in Princeton and my long hair. The days? Well we've had some good runs, those were good days, but I'm fine with where I am right now, thank you.

the mornings :)

after gym

chilling at Albert Park

hanging out with girlfriends :)

the kids from Rm21: Lai, Amethyst, and Mele

Me and Ms. Spence (p.s: life would be much easier if we could dress up THIS casual to school here)

Dinner party :)

Those were definitely fantastic days. But the present, is the best. I am finally home (wherever I'm with him), and nothing could get better than this :)

p.s.: Auckland Uni is still the coolest uni in the universe. They are having The Naked and Famous for Orientation Concert this year! So jelly!

Page 14 of 366

2012-01-14T15:17:00.003+13:00

So... I'm home.

I know it's been only, like, what, one week and a half since I went back to college? I'm not a brat but I NEED to sleep on an actual bed (they yet to give me a working bed up to this date) and I need to go back to search for few more readings on my research. Naim picked me up last night, and we went to the clinic because he's been suffering from this neck pain since few days ago. Bet if I didn't come home he wouldn't go to see the doctor -.-"

And last night while we were at the clinic I saw this boy whose face was swollen from allergy. He wasn't crying, but he was complaining to his dad of how itchy it was. His father looked worried, and that instantly made me go back to my childhood. When I was 9 I had the same condition, full-body allergy reaction. And I was a kudut (really skinny) girl that time so the effect was really obvious. And that time Dad was away in Johor (he was studying in UTM that time), so mom had to wake up at wee hours to help me scratch my back or listen to me complaining and crying.

Dude that time was hard.

And if I were to be a parent of a child like me in the future, I'd be worried sick, just like my mom and that father did. But I'll be sure to take care of my child like them too.

Ohai.

2012-01-08T00:30:00.000+13:00

I'm back in JB, since Wednesday. Took us only 3 hours drive that day.

Well to be back in college was extremely terrifying in the first place. My knee was weak, my tummy felt like exploding. But after it was exciting.

Took me a while for everything to start coming back. I don't have much complaints (because I'm actually genuinely happy to be back in college/JB), except for my broken bed (yes I've been sleeping on the floor since day one) and the utterly patient-testing slow internet connection. Which was the reason why I brought mum's broadband, but apparently it's still not enough. I'm gonna have to bring back Naim's instead.

And yeah I miss Naim terribly. Feels like the first year of the relationship all over again. He's also supposed to come next week, but after further prioritizing, he couldn't. That sucks, but it's okay, I'll live.

I guess I'll just update later.

p.s.: I'm having fun catching up with everybody!
p.p.s.: Kak Anis, if you're reading this, I'll email the pictures to you later yeah?

A little bit about overseas students.

2012-01-02T02:14:00.002+13:00

For over a month I tried so hard not to comment on negative stuff people say about students who went overseas for studying (duh) because I'm not really comfortable with people labeling me as "berlagak tak sedar diri". But allow me, this once, to actually tell you what happens there and what we sought asides from the experience.

But probably you want to read this first: http://jalanjuang.wordpress.com/2011/12/02/budak-oversea/

For those who don't feel like right-clicking, let me tell you what it's about. The author, who I assume went to overseas too, is saying that there are two kinds of "BUDAK OVERSEA", ones who go socializing and partying, and the ones who go for tarbiyyah, usrah and stuffs. The latter are always deemed as 'the sad one, the one who's missing out' while the fore are the ones who benefited their time there. (Of course, the post was rather sarcastic) and in the end the author asked; which kind of "Budak Oversea" do you choose to be?

The sad thing is, they neglected another kind of students. Our kind. The ones who are friends with both parties. The ones who befriend with literally everybody, from everywhere, be it Middle East or the West side of the globe. The ones who party, but never ~~hate~~ despise tarbiyyah (not because of the free food, but because of the knowledge it gives). The ones who are neither of what he described, but failed in studies anyway (because I don't study, my fault). The ones who join activities held by everybody, but know where/when to stop. And BTW we NEVER drink, obviously.

WHAT ABOUT US, KAMPUNG PEOPLE WHO STILL VALUES OUR CULTURE AND APPRECIATE INTEGRATION?

WHAT ABOUT US, WHO WENT OVERSEAS AND SAW THE BIGGER PICTURE, WHICH IS BASICALLY WHAT YOUR SPONSOR HOPES YOU TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Fucking stereotypes.
I've never been so mad about writings before.

I Love.

2011-12-30T04:42:00.002+13:00

I love how you treat me right.

I love how you always care for me.

I love how you open the car door for me.

I love the way you laugh.

I love how you call me at odd hours, and when I ask if you missed me, you'd say "Meh, not really"

I love how you surprise me at home or at work. And how your face lights up when you know you surprised me.

I love how you'd listen to me rambling for hours about things you don't give two cents about. Or how you'd listen to me reading you poems.

I love how even after four years, you never once forget my favorite food.

I love your awkward dancing.

I love how we like opposing details but somehow we share the same dream.

I love how when we disagree on something, we'll take a long pause before saying "Dah, taknak tarik muka pasal ni la. Tak best" and we'd laugh 10 seconds later.

I love how I can never stay mad at you.

I love how you always try to see me, even when you're busy.

I love how you always tell me you love me, and only me.

I love how after 1482 days, I still love you like it's Day One.

This post is boring, you can pass on this ;)

2011-12-23T03:16:00.001+13:00

So I feel like making this post a diary entry (sort of).

It started off waaay before I went back. I told Naim I would need his help to pick up the stuff I shipped from Auckland, and he said yes. So finally that time has come. But we've been really busy this week (went to Shah Alam/Klang on Monday, I went to Ampang, KL on Tuesday and we went out again Wednesday) so I thought he wouldn't go with me or would postpone it to some other day. So I asked if he'd still go with me, and he said he would :)

So today I decided to wear baju kurung, because I feel like it. So I picked up my friend, Nabilah, and drove to his place. The first thing he said when he saw me in baju kurung was "Kita ada nak pergi kenduri ke hari ni?". My friend laughed her ass off! So I said "No la.. sampai hati! Saje je nak pakai baju kurung" and from the rear view mirror I could see him smiling sheepishly.

To cut the story short, we made a pact (also for the first time) and I added another thing on my resolution list. I don't know, after all these years I still feel shy to be around him. And after all these years he still gives me butterfly in my tummy :')

Andddd I've got my stuff back! Time to pack up for Johor! :D

p.s.: In more than four years, this is the first time ever I went out with him wearing baju kurung. Just as last time for the first time we ever hang out at mamak :P It took me so long, kan? Haha.

Movie Rant: Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol

2011-12-21T03:16:00.002+13:00

Today we (and by we I mean me and my brother and sister, on the ground of 'spending quality time as siblings') finally got the time to go and see Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Well we were never fans of Tom Cruise or any Mission Impossible; it's always Dad. But we decided to give it a shot anyway.

Well, over all, we weren't bored of the movie. It was entertaining. Not what I'd say good (to be fair, probably because I haven't really seen the first three movies), but yeah it was alright. But as sick as I am of Malaysia's ever-repeating cycles and genres of movies; going back and forth from slapstick comedy to really cheesy/corny romance, then to rempit and horror movies or combination of any of the above-accompanied by bad cinematography, bad dubbing (exception probably on all late Yasmin Ahmad's movies) and overly exaggerated collection of profits; I am also sick of Hollywood's overgeneralization and stereotyping. Conflicts MUST take place in Russia, and MUST involve nuclear weapon. Or bad drug dealing in Mexico. Assassins of the great ones must be pretty and doll-like, NOTHING like an assassin, and making new friends from the same country abroad is REALLY easy.

ALL THOSE ARE LIES. (and don't make me start on how big, speeding cars are still practical in packed, busy cities like Mumbai, Tokyo, Hong Kong, or even Italy)

And to be honest, I was really excited to see Anil Kapoor on Mission Impossible. I mean this is a multi-million franchise, that's a REALLY big step for someone whom I adored when I was a kid. But I was REALLY disappointed. His appearance was rather comical, seemed normal to everyone. But for somebody THAT huge, to be displayed as the only comic when EVERYBODY else play rather important and serious roles (even the smallest roles like the body guard), I deem it as a tad insulting (I choose not to elaborate further on this, you do).

Over all, I enjoyed the minutes I spent in the hall. As usual, a lot of jumpy moments. Big fancy cars, yada yada. Wasn't a bad movie, but not something I'd watch again (of course, except if Naim wants to see it. And of course, if he's willing to hear my rant after).

p.s: I was so excited to see Michelle Monaghan the final few seconds.

Reset

2011-12-16T06:20:00.001+13:00

I swear, I had so much to write about.

But right now I lost my muse. I don't know for how long, but I hope to find it again soon. Hang in there, alright?

xx

Dreams don't turn to dust

2011-12-02T17:40:00.001+13:00

Lately things didn't work out the way I wish they would have. I still have trouble adjusting, I am missing out on the things I really want because of some things, I am abstained from going where I have been intending to go since forever for some reasons... and the list goes on.

But some people say you'll never be happy if you keep seeing what you can't have, instead of appreciating what you have.

So right now,

I am grateful that I'm still alive, and my beloveds are still with me. I noticed death is everywhere, and life lost isn't anybody's benefit.
I am grateful that I'm here, with my family and Naim near.
I am happy that I don't have to deduct five hours from my watch before calling anyone.
I am happy that despite the casual sickness I'm having, I can at least still see, touch, hear, feel, taste and think.

So far yeah. I am not going to write here what am I so mad about, but I hope your days are going great.

Right before your very la, la, la, la eyes

2011-11-29T14:11:00.001+13:00

I'm sorry if my posts lately is annoying you. Tengah 'perak' lagi dengan negara sendiri. Hikhik. Yesterday since it was public holiday, Naim asked me if I wanted to go out with his family to Alamanda. Despite the fever I was having, of course I went with them, because Naim being free is a rare case. He told me he wanted to buy me some new clothes there, but sadly after three hours (or more) there, I couldn't find anything I like. Maybe it's a change of taste matter. And Naim ended up buying stuffs for himself. Haha.

Oh, the point of the story!

We went to Cold Storage to buy the Starbucks Frappuccino drink. So when we finally found it, we went to the cashier counter to pay for it. There were three counters there, but only two were open, so we chose the one in the middle. While we were Q-ing (we were to pay next, and the person before us almost finished), the girl at the right counter shouted to the girl at the middle counter, "Eh, **** lepas ni rehat tau". Guess what the middle cashier did? She looked at us, and SLAMMED the "closed" sign on her counter. What the fuck? Lagi kurang ajar tak boleh eh?

The ending of the story is that we went to the other counter where the girl made snide remarks about Naim who asked for a bag while I didn't. That's rude too, but whatever. The girl in the middle was SUCH. A. BITCH. That's a really bad image for Cold Storage that is known to be selling imported fresh food, which is ALSO apparently where foreigners love to shop. And WHYYYY DO YOU HAVE TO HIRE SUCH RUDE BITCH???

Ugh I'm so mad at her. The next time this happens to me I'll make sure I report it directly to the manager.

Day Two

2011-11-28T11:30:00.001+13:00

Day Two. And it's still awkward for me. If on the first day I got my sister to buy me reload cards, on the second day I got Naim to speak for me. I have no idea why am I so scared to order/speak in Malay to strangers. Oh actually I do. I was scared that they will judge me and say "Ek eleh budak ni, muka desa, berlagak plak nak cakap omputih". Yup.

But yesterday was fun. We went to Signature GSC in Gardens to see Breaking Dawn. I actually didn't wanna see it because I read the book and I think it's crap. But Naim did, and I wanted to see a movie with him, so I chose the cinema, and he chose the movie. Why Signature? Because of the ambience, seat and... yeah IDK why, I just love it there. Naim just met my new camera so he played around with it. Excuse my ugliness.

Then as the pictures above suggest, we went to The Curve just because Naim wanted to get The Garden. I know, Sunway is much closer to where we were before, but I guess he just wanted to go to the one at Curve. Abg Awie was supposed to come too, but he got caught up at a wedding. Then we had Starbucks. So yeah basically he's doing everything he said he's been wanting to do with me, all in one day.

Almost all day long, I was able to order in English, which is awesome. I especially like ordering at Whisk, because they're so helpful and nice. But when we went to buy sushi at Empire, I got scared because the person talked to me in Malay, and I didn't know what to respond, and Naim was somewhere else. HAHA talk about stupid fears.

Homecoming

2011-11-27T11:20:00.001+13:00

Wow, home again.

At first I was really, really nervous. IDK, it seems to be reversed for me; I didn't get nervous/excited at all when I first went to Auckland, but I was REALLY nervous on my flight home. But despite the failure of in-flight entertainment in my 11-hours flight, everything was good. I sat next to Nisya and Timai, the most lovely girls. We competed (subconsciously) of who can sleep in most positions HAHA.

My three siblings and my dad waited for me at the airport. Their first response? Of course "BESARNYA KAU SEKARANG". And since they're my siblings, my answer was simple. "Sorry baby no souvenirs for you". HAHA of course I was kidding. My older sister, being her, tells me "Cantiknya baju ko we.. Bagi akak~!" every single time. I'm used to that by now.

They brought me to Selera 7 for breakfast, and of course, I got myself some sweeeeetttttt Nasi Lemak with Sambal Sotong and fried chicken on sides, with Air Laici. Hikhik. Then dad bought lunch (since mom's only gonna be home late afternoon). But little did we know, my granny and her two children came over and made MORE lunch. Then I went to see Naim to give him his stuffs, he gave me my bag back, and we grabbed quick dinner before he went off to work.

So, my Malaysian checklist so far:

Sleeping and waking up at NZ time - CHECKED
Fixing lunch for the family - CHECKED
Eat all sorts of food `till my stomach hurts - CHECKED
Being reminded that I'm a Malaysian - OH CHECKED
Being reminded that I'm no longer in New Zealand - CHECKED. Naim is a mean friend!
Movies - going today.
Good food (Garden, Bubba Gump, Belanga, etc) - today
Fast food - not yet
Seeing the baby cousins - played with one yesterday, another one to go
Complaining about the internet - CHECKED, in my head.
Drive around - CHECKED. With expired license lagi!
Jetlag - CHECKED. Slept at 11 (my usual 4am NZ sleeping time) and woke up at 4 not knowing what to do. But I'm making them breakfast now.

I'll update the list later. Mom's up. And I'm using her computer because my battery ran out and I can't take my power cable from the room because sis' gonna be yelling T_T

Flip out

2011-11-24T01:51:00.001+13:00

I was feeling horrible when he called me. I've got so many things on my mind that time. But half an hour after, I feel much better.

I told him how I was freaking out that at the age of 22, I don't seem to get my life figured out. Like, a couple of my friends are almost finished with their Masters and here I am, still struggling to finish my degree, which I didn't even choose to take in the first place. Him? He started a year later than me, and he's already been working for, guess what, ONE YEAR. He's getting his own car soon, and he's moved out from his parents'. While here I am, next year living in a hostel, still depending on my dad's car to go to school (I'm paying the monthly installment though, so shut up), and not deciding what to do.

You know what was his response when I told him all these?

"I kan pindah untuk you sayang. I buat semua ni untuk you. I nak ahead dari you supaya I boleh tanggung you"

Makes sense now.

I told him I haven't got my life figured out. When he asked, "like, in what aspect?" I answered life in general, like what to do post graduation. And I told him not to tell me I don't have any options but to teach (like my sister did), because I DO have some other options. I just need to choose. And he said;

"Yes b, awak ada pilihan lain. Orang nampak fact tu. I hate to tell you this tapi awak perlu buat apa yang awak perlu buat sebelum err awak nak buat apa yang awak rasa awak perlu buat, ok?"

HAHA THAT doesn't make sense!

I finally laughed, and he said "Yes sayang, laugh la. Now ni baru la Hawa. Come on, you don't have to cry now do you?" :)

One of the reasons why he is the best is that although he knows what I think/say are necessary most of the times, he actually listens to me. One time a friend asked me if anyone EVER actually listens to me (because I talk a tad too much, and I was telling him about my favorite poem), and I was happy that I could proudly told him that Naim actually does. It's true, when he was here I sorta spent about half an hour ranting on the whole Occupy movement, when he had no idea what was it. When I said "you reminded me of a poem I like" he asked me to read him that poem. (note: HE DOESN'T LIKE READING. Like, if I tell him I wanna hang out at a book store he'll try his hardest NOT to spend so much time there. Haha). I don't know how I got such an awesome guy.

On another note, I have been watching videos of Alexa and Eliana, and I can't help but to wonder how am I gonna teach my kids to behave. And suddenly his cousin tweeted me;

(Along's his nickname at home)

But in all honesty, if my children were to turn out to be just like him, I can't be more proud. Because I know they'll be great people.

Inconsolable

2011-11-23T19:01:00.001+13:00

Don't get me wrong, I love being home (hence, the use of the word 'home'). I do. I love that I can talk to my mom whenever, see my boyfriend whenever I miss him, go out and eat awesome food, listen to JFK on Hitz without lag, drive around and just pick whichever beach or mall to go to anytime.

But nothing can make me feel good about leaving Auckland. It's like, I'm super excited about going back but my heart will be left here for sure. I would miss complaining 18 degrees to be 'too hot and sweat-inducing'. I would miss going to uni just to use the computer and ogle cute guys at the same time (which is not hard at all!). I would miss turning everywhere and feel motivated to get healthy or lose some more weight because of how pretty and skinny everyone else is. I would miss Sheryll tapping my shoulder, asking me to speak in English to people I'm not comfortable speaking English with. I would miss speaking in Malay as a 'secret language' to avoid people knowing that we're talking about them. I would miss TAKING MY TIME. I would miss not feeling mad waiting for the bus. I would miss walking everywhere. I would miss mass lectures.

Basically I would miss everything I experienced here.

(Especially the awesome Burger Fuel. Naim has to keep his promise; one day we would fly back to Auckland, and have Burger Fuel again)

Damn you Auckland. Who has you turned me into?

Why my parents are cool.

2011-11-20T02:19:00.001+13:00

Today I had one of my shower thinking, this time about how my parents don't believe in wealth or unnecessary amenities that some people redefine as necessities to make themselves feel better splurging on. And I am absolutely happy with that.

Growing up, we ALWAYS shower with cold water. My parents never installed water heater, till this day, and NEVER have them prepare us lukewarm water for shower (except when we were babies of course). And until today, contrary to popular beliefs, my parents have never installed ASTRO, let alone B.yond or whatever you call it. We've been using the same TV set since the last 10 years even, so no flat screen obviously. We have never had PS 2 or 3, we only had the 16-bit game console, which only lasted for a couple of years and then God knows where it went. We only have air conditioner installed last year, because of the extreme weather lately and mom's sensitivity of the weather (just like me). And internet. We had internet installed back in 1999, but then dad uninstalled it and only reinstalled it a few years back, before I went off to New Zealand.

More than half of the people I know have almost everything I mentioned we didn't have (or have late). And I only felt hot water for shower either in hotels or here.

And you know what? I am glad we didn't have all that. Not because I can appreciate it more, but just imagine. If my parents have installed water heater, I bet we won't be THAT energetic at school, and we wouldn't even be mentally in the classroom. If my parents have installed ASTRO, ~~I would be happy watching Star Movies or HBO all the time~~ we would be spending too much time in front of the TV. Which would mean lack of studying or social life. If we have had PS2/3/Wii since we were kids, it would be hard for us siblings to leave for boarding school/hostel, which evidently has brought positive impacts to all of us. If we have been sleeping under the cool blow of air-conditioner, we wouldn't be able to get out of bed before noon on weekends, and we would miss all the wonders they bring. And if we had internet all those times when I was 9 to 12, trust me, I wouldn't be studying AT ALL, I might be playing games or wandering around in mirc (which I did whenever I go to my granny's that time).
And don't get me started on mom taking away my phone few months before SPM.

So yeah, I'm happy and grateful that our parents think old-school, strict teaching is much better than providing all the wealth to the kids in the name of 'education'.

The Adventure of Bill & Hawa day 3 & 4

2011-11-19T00:35:00.001+13:00

Since I think it's a pretty ridiculous idea to compose three posts about the yesterday I missed and today, I'm gonna cramp these two days in one post. So I hope you're ready! *tiba poyo*

This happened yesterday. Fareha asked me and Nisya if we wanted to go to Auckland Domain and play rounders. I was reluctant at first since lately it's been so cold in Auckland despite how near summer is. But we went anyway, and I thought I could just chill out and read Frank O' Hara. I, in the end, joined the game and of course had fun a little. I'm actually thinking of buying the set of bat and ball they bought for our family trip in Pangkor next month. Hehe.

And this happened today. We went to Ema's employer's BBQ party at Mt. Albert. Yup, another new place I've never been to (say this in Kiwi accent - I've niva been tew). The food was fantabulous, the games were exciting, and we went home feeling happy. This is our last Friday night and weekend here, so it's harder to hold the sobs in. Although, we still can ;)

The Adventure of Bill and Hawa day 2

2011-11-18T23:49:00.001+13:00

I forgot to upload the Wednesday video of "The Adventure of Bill and Hawa" so here we go.

That day we went to hang out with Karven, getting coffee at Starbucks, corner Vulcan and Queen St. I got myself fruit salad and choc chip frappuccino (I ordered Java Chip accidentally - they don't have it, and she heard Choc Chip so I might as well try it - don't fancy it THAT much). <- That information was unnecessary actually, soooo yeahh.

Karven is our friend who we met while living in IH last year. If you're wondering, she's a Malaysian who holds Kiwi passport. To be fair, she had no idea what she is, because she grew up in Malaysia, and as I said, she holds a Kiwi passport, and one of her parents is from Indonesia. Soooo yeah.

After hanging out with Karven, Bill and I got pizza from Fresco. We've always wanted to try Fresco but I have no idea why we never. So we got it and it was so good! We chilled at a park in front of Bill's house and Vector Arena, with Chapix.

So yeah everyday a new place. So far.

Jason Mraz in Auckland

2011-11-16T01:45:00.001+13:00

I must say this is one of the most wonderful shows I've ever been to because:

1. It was allocated seating, and people in rows before us didn't stand up or block our views.
2. It's the last concert in Auckland I'll go to.
3. The set, with rug and everything reminded me of Panic during their Pretty Odd days.
4. It's Jason-freaking-Mraz. Whose voice is like an angel's. Whose songs are like love letters, being read to you in bed. Who is funny as.

Didn't get many photos, but got a couple (or three) videos. So here goes.

He opened the set with Life As I See It.

And he played lots of unpublished songs, which is awesome. Because you don't listen to people singing along in horrible pitch. You get to enjoy the music and especially lyrics. My favorite would definitely be "The Woman I Love" (you can click on the link for the lyrics). He knows how to touch women's hearts to the bottom, but apparently he was oblivious of that talent. Hey!

Make It Mine.

Fly Me To The Moon & Lucky ft. Esther

The picture below is credited to Ema.

p.s.: ~~I'll be uploading more videos (Make It Mine, Fly Me To The Moon, and Lucky) soon. Good night for now. ♥~~

UPDATED WITH MORE VIDEOS!

We've got the gunslinger extraordinaire

2011-11-15T12:31:00.001+13:00

Yesterday was spent appreciating Auckland.

After I sorted out some stuffs, Bill and I went to Albert Park, sun-soaking and talking about life. And then there's this one couple who made us laugh with their excessive PDA (they were spooning. Topless. In the park) and other couples were just being sweet.

After having quite a good laugh, we went to McDonald's and then to Volt. I took a cat nap there and being there, of course we laughed more. At some points I started to think the reason we do everything in mediocrity is that we spent too much energy in laughing. Yes that includes studying, partying.. except eating. But that's just me, I don't represent the whole cohort or whatever.

We later went out to Zaytoon and SOME OF US bellydanced/ostrich danced, being oblivious to the fact that there was a CCTV watching. Bahahahahaha. And we chilled out at Harbor later, gossiping :P

Oh and YESSSS we're going to see Jason Mraz tonight!! SEXCITEDDDDD

p.s.: I was actually trying to see if I can still write posts like this, without putting my thoughts in it. But nope. This post sucks.

11 last days

2011-11-14T10:27:00.001+13:00

I know, I know, by now you're already bored out by my short entries (or do you actually anticipate it?) and my whines about leaving New Zealand. But you know what, screw it, I'm gonna still talk about leaving.

For you maybe it isn't something hard. But for me and my friends, it IS hard leaving Auckland, or New Zealand (note that I said friends, not cohort-mates. So if people from my cohort don't like Auckland, probably they're not even my friends in the first place haha). I've lived far from my family since nine years ago, I know, but leaving Johor is NOTHING like leaving Auckland.

This is where I experienced my poorest moment. Or richest (kalau convert ke MYR la kan). This is where I learned more about culture, and people. This is where I learned appreciating my home country more. This is the land that made me feel like I'm having a whole new family, with whom I spent two Raya's. And although this place made our relationship tougher, but it made us both stronger. This is also the land where I learned that my older sister actually loved me despite the hate she gave me all these while.

So I hope when I'm home, I'll have the same feeling I have when I look at photos of Auckland right now.

You kill me, even in my sleep.

2011-11-13T22:23:00.001+13:00

Obviously, was trying to appear/be deemed 'deep', but this is ONLY an excuse to show off fish eyeeeee

The one that got away.

2011-11-12T18:35:00.001+13:00

Woke up to another 13 days before leaving this home/seeing them again.

I don't know if I should be happy or sad.

Little, the time we have.

2011-11-11T05:59:00.001+13:00

Wow, wow. Another 15 days till I finally be back for good.

But no, no. I am not done with Auckland.

I have so many things to write about; the places I went to, the things I did, the thoughts I had. But I am still busy currently. Technically uni days are over, but we haven't stopped being students, so I hope you guys will be patiently waiting for me (or us, my other friends who are still busy).

Oh, notice the new picture on the sidebar? This is the picture, if you haven't seen it.

It's from the night when Naim was here and I could FINALLY take him out for a proper walk in Auckland CBD. We chose to go to a photobooth and this is a couple of pictures from the six-strip we took.

p.s.: Excuse the crappy quality. Or face I made. Huhu

Older sister.

2011-11-09T18:25:00.000+13:00

My friends would know how I am not close to my older sister. Our bond (and me and dad's) is actually pretty damn complicated. We don't talk much, we don't turn to each other whenever something comes up but we have a really deep connection; unseen and incomparable.

Like I said, I never turn to my older sister for advice, because I never trust her judgments. But she's always there whenever I try (or have to make major life decisions. And no that doesn't include love life. I don't share much of my love life with her because a) hers is pretty messed up herself so I definitely wouldn't take her advice b) my love life is my damn business; that's what mom has been trying to tell us, at least. But Along was there when I was trying to decide on what to do after SPM. And she's still there when I'm trying to decide my future post graduation.

And I wouldn't say her answers are well-reasoned and her decisions are the best, because heck she's only two years older than me and although she's lived a little more, she's still in search herself. But there's just something comforting about seeking for her advice. She doesn't tell me what I wanna hear, most of the time she just shoot my horses down in the face, but yeah I like the assurance and reality checks she gives me.

Today I listed five options regarding the future, including how to escape from teaching without breaching the contract. All she could say after was "Ko takde pilihan lain weh. Ko kena mengajar jugak".

That's still in the options list, sis. So I MIGHT consider it anyway.

Sigh.

I wish he's here. Or I'm there.

p.s: I don't have a picture of her in my HDD, just in my SD Card. In case you're wondering, we DON'T look alike.

p.p.s.: halfway of the serious conversation we were having, she asked "Ko belikan akak ole-ole apa?" =_____='

Why Auckland is awesome.

2011-11-06T14:51:00.001+13:00

This morning I woke up with a baffling paradox of feelings. I was hit by the bus that says "REALITY CHECK: YOU'RE LEAVING NEW ZEALAND IN 20 DAYS". Okay, wow, time to freak out now. What do you do?

Around this date in 2009, around this same time, I was reading a blog post, written by somebody who went to New Zealand, listing the reasons why she doesn't want to leave this place. I thought she was just exaggerating, but I had a hunch that I would love it here too.

And damn right I do.

Since I have never been all touristy and actually wrote why New Zealand is different from Malaysia like every other bloggers who went overseas for studies did (I always thought I'm not that zealous to begin with), describing every little thing, let me do it once and for all, in hope that whoever is going to New Zealand soon would be as excited as I was when I read that person's blog :)

First of all, I know when you hear "New Zealand" you'll automatically be reminded of Fernleaf's ad, so you'll be expecting to see LOTS of milk cows and sheep, right? If you're gonna be living in Auckland, SCRAP THAT IMAGE OUT OF YOUR HEAD. You will NOT see cows and sheep everywhere, you'd have to actually go to the suburbs. Auckland is actually a really urban area. Exhibit A:

this is the view from right outside my house. So, you think I'm kidding you?
Auckland is a very people place. Expect super friendliness from everybody, smiles from strangers and "How's it going"s from practically everyone you know or possibly don't. So to prepare yourself to this, equip selves with lots of thank you's, smiles, and "Hey"s. I mean, even the bus drivers would say Hi to you, so are you gonna just stand there and feel awkward about it? I hope not.
In New Zealand, it is easier to carry a Visa Debit or EFTPOS around. EFTPOS is your ATM card, but carries the functions of a visa debit. Which means it is basically like your Maybank Cherry card, without the ability to use it as a credit card. What's really good about this is you don't have to carry cash around, which is one of the reason New Zealand is one of the safest country. And don't worry, almost all places accept EFTPOS, including convenience stores.
Auckland, specifically, has a lot of beaches. You can choose from the very touristy but nasty (but still look pretty) Mission Bay (the one I went with Naim last time), another tourist attraction Takapuna Beach, Long Bay Beach, Murray Beach, or surfers' paradise like Piha or Muriwai Beach. Or if you long for a brief island getaway, you have Waiheke that offers A LOT of pretty beaches, from Oneroa to Palm Beach, Onetangi, Stony Batter and lots more. Or you can visit Tiritiri Matangi Island for a day, and lots other islands to choose from. Satisfaction guaranteed for beach, waves and tides lovers.

Takapuna Beach
Waiheke (Palm Beach)
In Auckland, you don't have to worry about Halal food much. There's a wide variety of restaurants that offer halal food; from char grill to steak, kebab, or Asian fusion. So all you have to do is choose (and ask, of course).
or you can cook ;)
If you were scared of snatch thieves in Malaysia, that's why you only wear your handbags for brief moments in Malaysia (like, two hours, and then you leave them in your car or whatever), that's not one of the worries over here. Girls rock their handbags hard here yaw (and guys too)!
People here, other than nice, are also VERY open minded. You've heard cases of Islamophobia, that doesn't happen here :) They don't judge you based on what you wear, but more of what you say. Which means, don't give out racist slurs or remarks. That's plain rude, anyway. On what you do, well that depends. If you go all crazy in the streets, most people here won't care, but if you suddenly act violent of course people would -.-"
The weather and the sky here is unbeatable. Nuff said.
The people here are very proud of their culture. No I don't mean their urban culture (drinking, partying blah3) but culture culture. Like, where are they from, what their people do and everything. And I assure you, you'd love them, especially the Maori culture. The way they bring it (with pride) makes you just fall in love with them. They do flash mob in the streets, just like we do, but guess what? They HAKA instead of dancing to Justin Bieber. I gotta admit I was a bit embarrassed in that department :(
Speaking of drinking and partying, I suggest you to go out and experience Friday night in the city. And I don't mean "go clubbing", just go out and see how Auckland looks like on Friday nights. At first, you'll feel intimidated or maybe even scared because it's not a normal scene in Malaysia. But trust me, it's fun and very entertaining.

I think so far that's the 10 reasons why I love Auckland so much. I was talking to Naim last night. I told him how I can't wait to go back, and his response in exact words was "Alah, awak tu sekejap je tak sabar nak balik. Tak lama lepas tu rindu Auckland balik la apa la". Well, can't say that he's wrong. I am gonna miss Auckland. But I just can't wait to see him and my family again :)

The best weekend of my life.

2011-10-30T22:38:00.001+13:00

So I'm back from my hiatus. I had such a great time since the last time I wrote. First, Naim's cousin came and lodged at my place. For the first time I felt just how good it feels to have bits and pieces of home around. We didn't explore the whole of Auckland though, because I was busy with class and stuffs. I only hoped that she enjoyed her stay here.

And last Thursday my wait finally met its end. Naim came. Yes, my boyfriend came to Auckland. I was so excited I can't even tell you how much. The night before I was so jumpy and chatty I annoyed the hell out of my roommate. And the feeling of seeing him again after seven months, it's indescribable. He looked so well (although it's a bit odd seeing him in glasses again after three years hehe), and from his smile I knew how he felt right then: just like me.

Having him again with me made me wonder why the hell we fought at all, all these while. It's pure bliss, being with him. And having him here in my world, Auckland, my other home, makes it even more heavenly.

When he first got out of the airport, his first comment was "Sejuknya!" and it was actually blazing hot, so I told him this is HOT for Auckland (it was 18 degrees). And he said "Heh.. mati la you kalau you balik Malaysia karang". HAHA TRUE.

This guy, is the best. He bought us a lot of groceries because he said he wanted to make up for the times he couldn't provide for us. He went with me to the lecture hall for two days, because I had a presentation a la conference to attend. I knew he was bored on the second day, but he sat through it anyway, which means a lot to me :')

I took him to some places on his last day here, but what's surreal is sharing with him all my favorite bits of Auckland. He had kebab instead of the steak or chicken teriyaki he's been craving for because he insisted on experiencing MY LIFE, not just Auckland (and he said we can have The Gardens when we get home hihi). He loved Burgerfuel and agreed that flying to New Zealand just to get Burgerfuel is worth it. He loved my favorite spot, Mt. Eden, despite its chill wind for it shows the whole of Auckland in the best way. We talked about things a lot, and somehow we came to agree on a few stuffs.

And this morning when I had to send him away it was the hardest thing I have to do in my life. Ever. Not because I'm not used to sending him off, not (just) because I had to stay back and he had to go back, but because we fell in love, all over again, in Auckland. All the the things he left behind, all the places we went to seemed to remind me of him, and I just can't stop feeling sad now that he's gone. Three days with him makes 26 days seem so far away. I miss him so badly now, worse than ever.

Take care, baby. I love you.

Say it ain't so, I will not go

2011-10-15T07:06:00.002+13:00

So.. by the time you guys read this I am already on my way to Papakura, for this camping trip. Heck who am I kidding, I might as well be there, having fun or at least pretending to be (actually I think I'll have fun), and you won't give two cents about me. Hehe.

Not literal camping trip though. More like bunk-beds trip. This reminds me of the 'camping' trip I went when I was 14. I was, well, 14, and in a boarding school. Plus, I've never actually camped before. So the word camping trip excited me.

But boy how we were fooled. Our camping site was actually Kem Tasik Utara, which sucks balls. To those who live in JB, you may or may not know this dumb place, it's actually a Pusat Kokurikulum Jabatan Pendidikan Negeri, and located right behind our now-maktab. PFFT.

Andd, that's where I met my first boyfriend. But let's not go there.

I really hope this time won't suck. I'm actually looking forward to resetting my sleeping pattern. :-/

I find pleasure in fixing phones.

2011-10-14T02:10:00.002+13:00

True story.
Not an expert though; I don't fix if it's a hardware problem, for obvious reasons.

This is actually a post intentionally written so I can post more pictures of myself. And considering that I don't do that often, hey, cut me some slack will you?

Haha. So I was browsing through my photos, and I discovered that whenever I have an emotional breakdown, I have tendency to make a video outta it. And took some snapshots of myself. So when I was looking for a photo to be made my profile picture, I found this:

Cried.

Cried again.

This one I took last night after trying the MANGA hair putty by Garnier, so no I wasn't crying. Haha.

The vain/narcissist side of me actually likes rewatching myself cry. Not 'like' like you'd see it every once in a while (because trust me, it hurts your ego more than anything to see yourself cry), but there's no harm in seeing it. And looking at how many crying photos I took, I can say I'm proud of myself: I have been strong ;)

And last weekend Saifful pulled me out of a depression-inducing state by asking me to go to a photographer outing with him. I did, brought my camera and everything. But ended up being photographed instead. Don't laugh, I know I look funny, but I kinda like how the pictures turned up.

This is my favorite shot from Izzati:

Amazing isn't it? *ye lah amazing kat aku yang jakun ni la, pernah pulak di-photograph, siap pakai reflector lagi! huhu* She has lots more wonderful shots, but this is my favorite of all.

This is one of the shots I like, by Shifa, our junior (but she's really the same age as us, just figured that this year. I'm ignorant like that -.-)

Anddd from Fadzili's lens. I love seeing how one atmosphere changes in the hands of these amazing people.

Okay enough of promoting myself. Good night.

Occupy Queen St.

2011-10-12T01:43:00.001+13:00

I can't believe I'm going to write about this. This isn't the kind of things I'd write about (usually I'll just rant about it to my friends), I know, but bear with me just once, okay?

So I was walking to get dinner and I saw this poster.

Okay not exactly THIS poster, but these are the details.

First, I gotta say I support the occupation of Wall Street. I know the objectives, and I'm all for it. But THIS? This is too much. Here are my points:

I think sometimes New Zealanders protest with no specific goals. Instead it's more like jumping on to the bandwagon. Like, the slut walk for example. Some countries did it, and suddenly everybody in NZ were like 'oh let's do it too. Let's dress slutty on the streets' and not knowing what are they doing. I totally understand how they sometimes want to support other parts of the world, but coming up with 'problems' on your own isn't really smart, especially when you actually have not that much problem, and COME ON you live in a pretty blessed realm. You wanna talk about cheap labor? Go to Malaysia and try to work at a fast food chain there.
Do these people even know what are they protesting for? I read the event description, and quoted from it, "WHAT DO WE WANT? YOU tell us" so personally I think it's like they're throwing in all their problems. A little bit of recession issues, refugee, oil spill, climate change, war, and some Maori issues. What the hell was that? And trust me, good protests always have CLEAR, SPECIFIC goals and alternatives. I'm picturing this would be yet another of "WHAT DO WE WANT? A CHANGE!" Of what? Really?
Capitalism isn't pretty, but stop being such a hippie. If corporations aren't allowed to make money, how are incomes being generated?
Queen St. is gonna be flooded with people on that day, so.. seriously? RWC isn't a hassle enough to the city's traffic?
Eyes of the world are on Auckland that time. Get off the streets, will you?

I know I'm not a New Zealander and I probably have no rights to say this but I have to say this: Better timing next time. And please think through before creating this event.

//UPDATE
I found this on the internet:

so much respect for this person. Rather than you go protesting about basically everything, why don't you start take responsibilities over your own decisions?

Amazing friend is amazing

2011-10-11T11:22:00.000+13:00

So, last night I was talking to one of my guy best friends.

"Can I ask you a question? Apart from this one, of course"
"Haha, smart point. But yeah sure"
"But you have to be, like, totally honest with me, okay?"
"Wait you mean I get to be an asshole? Okay I'm in"
"I don't have pretty face right?"
"Wow tricky question"
"Be an honest jerk, for humanity's sake"
"How am I being humane when I've to be a jerk?Well not the kind that goes on the magazine covers, but okay go on.."
"And I don't have smokin figure right?"
"Meh, you're alright"
"And I can't sing.. or dance.."
"Where is this going?"
"Stay with me! And I have this ugly voice and I talk A LOT and I'm sarcastic 50% of the time"
"Okay I feel bad now for having to be honest, what are you trying to say?"
"Why do people even like me? I don't get it! I mean especially guys. I don't hope to be the crazy cat lady, but I think everything about me is just so appalling that I don't deserve a second glance even. And I'm not saying all guys are in love with me, but please, let's face it, this isn't a first time I have boy trouble *flips hair*"
"Haha! You're already a crazy lady without the cats! Okay seriously, you see, you're wrong. I liked you because regardless of the points you said, you're actually a nice person. I got to know you and you're hilarious, and you're such a caring and loving person. If I see you on the streets I might not give you a second glance, but when I know you I couldn't unsee you. You're not just one of the coolest girls I know.You're like, amazing, you know? That's why they like you, hun. You're better than them magazine covers.."
"Of course, they're like, papers"
"See? And you're humble too.."
"Shut up"

I have an amazing friend right here. :')

Dear you,

2011-10-08T00:58:00.000+13:00

1400 days = 200 weeks = 46 months = 3 years and 10 months.

Glad you're still sticking around. ♥

Countdown

2011-10-06T13:18:00.000+13:00

"Sayang, orang dah gemuk la b. Kalau awak nak tinggalkan orang, orang faham.."
"Eh hello encik, jangan mengarut boleh? Lagi bagus awak gemuk, orang takde competition.. Hehe :D"

To those who follow me on Twitter and still wonder what the countdown is for (I've been doing countdown since 100+ to now; 20 days), he is actually coming to Auckland. Yes, my beloved Na'imullah Jazlan is finally flying over to Auckland in merely twenty days :)

Right now, I don't feel anything much but slight happiness. But I know what will happen on the 26th; I'll get so psyched I won't be able to sleep, and the next morning when I have to pick him up at the airport I will feel so nervous I would look flushed.

It has always been that way. Since the last four years.

I planned on giving him a simple Auckland trip since I don't want to squeeze every energy he had, because I want him to be happy and to be able to enjoy his trip here. Oh, it's a very short trip actually, only for four days. But he told me when he's home again, it'll be less than a month for me to come home. So we'll be fine.

♥

High school experience.

2011-10-04T04:40:00.000+13:00

*this post goes especially to high schoolers*

I went through horrible time in high school. Some might say "Oh me too" but trust me, mine was one of the worst. But I know there are people out there who went through worse, some even couldn't go to high school, but that doesn't make me happy.

Knowing that I grew up to be who I am now from that, does.

You have somebody hating on you? I'm not telling you to get over it, but I'm telling you, what you think of yourself is more important than all that. What your family think of you is more important than what those twats think. That's what my mom told me in my senior year.

You think you're a weirdo/dork? Everybody does. Everybody is, in fact, weird in their own ways. But the right term is "unique". And trust me, level of coolness doesn't determine your future.

You don't have any friends? You're still alive, aren't you?

Your friends betrayed you? Here are some reality checks for you: 1) THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS IN THE FIRST PLACE IF THEY HAD THE HEART TO BETRAY/BACKSTAB YOU. 2) FRIENDS DON'T LAST FOREVER. YOU'LL LOSE THEM AT SOME POINTS OF YOUR LIFE.

I'm not trying to teach you to be selfish, but be realistic.

You want to get back at them? Study hard and be somebody. They'd stop all the hating and start seeing you in awe.

Not even kidding. :)

Papercuts hurt more.

2011-10-02T21:49:00.002+13:00

I didn't bleed much, but it stings that I have to put band-aid to make myself feel better. And please don't ask me how did I get papercut on my palm. I have absolutely no idea.

Okay this is official. I miss home.

2011-09-30T02:39:00.001+13:00

Wow to be honest I have so much to write about, but all these words I have in my head couldn't be strung. I don't even know which one to begin with.

~~to fill up the space~~ Anyway, I'm currently chatting with my mom on Facebook. I didn't call her yesterday and today, so it's a really pleasant surprise to see my mom get on Facebook (yes it's not creepy anymore). So when I was chatting with her, Naim called me to say that he's craving for tomyam (pretty random, I know). And he told me to say hi to my mom, so I did. Then, when I explained to mom why Naim called me, she said I should've told her that Naim was craving for tomyam, because she just went back from tomyam with my dad.

Okay, first of all it's really cute that my mom wants him to join her and my dad for dinner. She really likes him, it appears. Because to be honest, my mom never actually asked my guy friends to dinner with the family, except A who happens to be my neighbor, especially when I'm not around. My mom don't really eat when there's an unfamiliar face at the table (no jokes). So seeing how different it is with Naim, it makes me happy :)

Secondly, I know how lonely it gets there :( I'm definitely too far to be going home every weekend or every day off, my brother is lodging in the school hostel, my baby sister is back in KL, and my sister is too busy to go back. So I know how sad mom is feeling right now; she had three daughters and she could talk to none. Actually mom is being super, like always, busy with stuffs. But I know she wants to be able to sit after a long day and just talk about stuff. Instead, sigh. Oh mom, I wish I could go home now and just stay with you :(

Comeback

2011-09-26T01:02:00.000+13:00

I cut my fringe :)

It feels like forever since I had bangs. Now that it's back, all is well :)

Spring Fling

2011-09-24T03:31:00.003+12:00

One of the things I like about Spring is the color that it brings. Bright colors, but not too striking. Also, the weather. Warm and sunny, but never too hot. Soft winds blowing to your face, just right.

So today we took the time to appreciate Spring, because since the start of Spring the weather's been unpredictable and most of the times annoying (we had two tornado warnings in two weeks, and the first week of Summer it rained almost every day).

It somehow reminded me of home. The warmth, the friendliness of the sun, and the pretty green grass.

Yeah it did feel like home.

Journey.

2011-09-21T19:36:00.000+12:00

You know, the whole dynamic of our relationship has changed. From "I miss you I can feel my heart exploding" to absolute silence weaved with the buzzing sound of a busy bee. From video call every single day for three years, to only once in three weeks (if there is ever a chance). From those things to these.

But for all I know, you are still the same person I knew four years ago. You would still put your arms around me and tell me you're here whenever something goes wrong, you don't even have to ask what happened. You would hold my hand and show me off to the people who matter to you. You are still that person who would call me out of no reason other than to tell me that you miss me. You are still that person who would do whatever it takes to stay with me.

And for all I know, your love supersedes everything; the distance, the time difference, and many other conflicts we have to face this year. And I thank you for that.

I came to realize that we are no longer 18. No longer kids who feel like adults. We are now adults. And knowing that the love has not changed a bit, gives me the inspiration boost I might just need.

No sweetheart, this is not a post to cherish the months we have been through (it's been 45 months but hey, I know you're counting too hehe). This is not a post for your birthday or whatever. This just goes to show that I appreciate you, in every ways possible.

And I love you too. :)

Broadcasting.

2011-09-19T17:29:00.002+12:00

I'll go right ahead and say this. I know I am not the most pious person on Earth. But I don't get it when some of those 'better' people do these things:

1) keep track of their infak. Like, records if they have donated something this week/month.

I mean, isn't the whole point of infak is to do it sincerely? And how do you get that sincerity (ikhlas) if you keep track of it? True, it's to remind you to keep giving and make it a habit, and true, it's just for your own sight, but I mean wouldn't recording it bloom that riak in you? Even if it doesn't now, the devil will always try and that would be the best tool, so IMHO it's better to forget about it once you've donated something.

2) Broadcast their repent on the internet.

We get it, you're trying to ask us to join you repent to God (I'm not saying it might or might not work), but you broadcasting it on, say, Facebook, as if Allah has Facebook? Um, not really a smart thing to do. Allah listens, we know, you know. So keep the relationship intimate, between you and Allah. You don't have to tell the world how you've repent, because it's should just be between you and Him. You are just giving room for people to judge, and you know better, nobody has the right to judge other than Him.

3) Broadcast their deeds.

I've said enough.

Alkisah bunda.

2011-09-16T19:02:00.000+12:00

15/09/2011
I'm writing this using my phone, in my bed, dozing off (not quite), hoping that I'd have the strength/enough confidence to post this tomorrow.

* * *

Hari ni aku sembang paling lama dengan Mak. Sampai dua kali telefon rumah mati sebab habis bateri. Macam-macam cerita keluar, tapi paling aku terkedu bila Mak kata Mak kena darah tinggi sejak Selasa. Mak sangat jarang sakit. Kalau bukan pasal darah tinggi tu, Mak memang tak pernah ada rekod dalam Klinik Pesakit Luar hospital tu. Aku sebak, ye la sape pulak yang gembira dengar mak ayah dia tak sihat kan, tapi ayat standard aku la kan kat Mak, "Adui, tu la asyik marah budak je.. Dah duduk rumah, takyah gi sekolah esok". Aku memang bossy sikit kalau family member aku tak sihat. Sama dengan adik aku. But Mom being Mom, nak jugak pergi sekolah esok. Ada sambutan Hari Malaysia katanya. Aku dan Baba bising, taknak la Mak berdiri tengah panas esok, tapi Mak iyakan je. Sabar je la. Workaholism (and stubornness) ni genetik rupanya.

Aku dan Mak sembang lagi. Selain dari topik professionalisme (??) dan kenegaraan (a.k.a politics, being so lightly touched because that's more like Dad-me topic), Mak cakap pasal.. KAHWIN.

Gulp.

Mom dropped some hints. Aku yang born jukebox ni sesungguhnya terdiam, tak tau nak cakap apa. Pertamanya, sebab I'm not the rightest person to decide halatuju hubungan aku dengan Naim. Sure, I have some say in it, tapi hal direction macam ni, aku serahkan pada dia. Bila, bagaimana, semua keputusan dia. Yang keduanya, sebab aku sendiri tak pasti apa yang aku nak. I mean, yes, Naim, itu yang aku nak. Tapi bila, bagaimana, semua aku tak tau (refer sebab pertama). Yang ketiganya, aku tak tau macammana nak respon. Selama ni kalau aku jokingly say aku nak kahwin, Mak akan cakap aku gatal (maknanya tak bagi kahwin lagi la tu, mungkin terlalu awal). Tapi tahun ni saja dah berapa kali Mak cakap pasal kahwin. Dah berapa kali Mak minta aku cakap pada Naim suruh beli cincin.

Hari ni, aku cerita pada Naim. Reaksi dia? "Hmm.. Mak dah tak sabar nak ada menantu la tu". Okay, he took the hint. So did I, but I refused to understand. So being the insensitive girl that I am, I said to him, "Macam tu mak kena tunggu lagi la kan? Tak pun mintak orang lain". Now that I think of it, rasa bersalah pulak cakap macam tu.

Oh, tengah bercakap pasal posting pun Mak boleh selitkan isu kahwin. Aku cakap aku tak bersedia dihantar ke Borneo. Mak kata, "Eh okay apa Sabah, Sarawak. Ramai je jatuh cinta dengan orang sana, kahwin sana. Anak Sir Azhar tu, kahwin orang sana tau". Aku kata, "Yang tu, orang KL slash Perak slash Banting tu, Awe nak buat apa..?". Mak jawab, "Oh, ingat lagi rupanya. Ha dah tu, kahwin la before pergi Borneo!"

Erk... Mak...

I'll miss you with all my heart.

2011-09-11T16:56:00.000+12:00

You know the feeling of being a part of history?

It's indescribable.

Knowing that in 15 years, you stand before the young kids and tell them "I was there. I witnessed it all, these eyes saw it all" is going to be wondrous, especially if it's the good kind of history, the kind that won't make you cringe recalling it.

The opening ceremony of Rugby World Cup was amazing, it touched me to the bottom. If you have not seen it, here are the videos with commentaries:

Truthfully, I was never into sports. I mean I like sports in general, but I never follow any. And if there's any world events like Olympics or sorts, I'll just watch the opening and/or closing ceremony. So when I was given the chance to be involved in the opening ceremony, I knew it was a chance I should never miss.

It was a totally new experience to me, working with dae, the company that made everything happen (there are only three or four like companies in the world). I met new people (who I might or might not see ever again) who were experts in what they do (seriously I feel weird being in a world of cool geeks like them) and I learned a lot.

Standing there, at the gate during the ceremony was an experience I will never forget. The rush I had, the feeling I got when the crowd cheered or stunned in awe, it was all beyond amazing. That (almost) last task I had was to make sure the audio packs were good for Ria Hall and Evander (lead singers), sounds super simple, but what I got was too overwhelming to be described.

Sam

Due to the far-tighter security on the game day, we had to wear this tag.

Will. Sorry we were being silly.

I wasn't there when Auckland was filled with (possible) ten thousands of people in addition to the 1 million it had, I wasn't there when Auckland sky was lit with the wondrous fireworks, I didn't take pictures of the event, but I was at Eden Park when that all happened. I witnessed the crowd counting down to the opening ceremony, I saw the crowd making loose eight to the anthem "World in Union", I was there to see Ethan being lifted and when he put the 'ball' on the ground for Christchurch, and when Jonah Lomu led him to the cup. I was even there to see Seth being as awesome as he is.

I was there.

Ring-ring-ching-ching-ding-a-ling

2011-09-07T23:32:00.001+12:00

It's been a really long day for me. School, annoying people, then stadium (where I had to be relocated because no one else wants to walk all the way to the other side of the stadium and standby there), and more annoying people, rehearsal and everything else.

By the end of the day, I just decided to switch off my feelings and head home and sleep. But then he called. He had a really long day too, and he's been working all night and haven't got a bit of sleep since he got back. I felt guilty that he called instead of going to sleep, but he said he called because he misses me. Awwhh ♥

It's been so long since anyone ever said such nice thing to me. I miss that. And I miss last year, when I went home feeling depressed, and I wanted to go to sleep but I couldn't, so instead of rambling to me (I fall asleep faster when I hear people talking), he read me Qur'an. When he realized that I wasn't sleeping, he asked me some trivia about the Holy Qur'an.

Meh we aren't that pious but we enjoy that. It's more romantic konon, boleh? Huhu.

Alright, pictures time! Not related to the post though. And excuse my face.

Me and Timai at the MSD open house.

Basically how I look when working at the stadium. Oh I hate that radio more than the headset.

Basically the station where I work at.
Meh actually this is untouched since day 1.

Sorry no pictures of cast or other parts of the stadium. We swore confidentiality. No jokes, we signed three papers.

What's yo flava?

2011-09-05T18:32:00.001+12:00

Yesterday Auckland got a little hot. Not like freaking hot, but the kind of warmth you'd love ♥
I was at the stadium when that happened. We were running around when suddenly everybody stopped and went out to enjoy the sun. Ollie and I sat on the grass.

Ollie: Oh my gosh the sun! I feel like an ice cream!
Me: Oh gee I love this. And yeah you can be a tub of vanilla ice cream.
*laugh*
Ollie: Well I like cookies and cream better.
Me: I can be my favorite; cappuccino. That would suit me best.
Ollie: *laugh* You like cappuccino ice cream, Hawa?
Me: Yeah pretty much. Movenpick's Cappuccino, to be particular.
Ollie: Oh girl you sure have expensive taste!
Me: OUCH Ollie!
+_+
Movenpick isn't that 'expensive' though. He was just mocking around, haha.

Well I have fun meeting new friends there. They might be a little different than me, but yeah some of them are cool. :)

p.s.: If you get what we were laughing about, congratulations!
p.p.s.: Ollie = Oliver

The past.

2011-09-03T17:43:00.002+12:00

Okay so I've been lurking around my past (mind you, one of the things I loathe is looking back, because we tend to choose to stay in the past once we went to it) so I found couple of interesting photos.

Since most of you aren't from the same high school (or primary, for that matter) as me, here I present you the past me;

This was in Kem Kaizen. Whoever from around Pontian/near JB must've heard of this camp I suppose. It's at Gunung Pulai.

This was in our class. We were in this particular classroom for five years. My desk that time if I'm not mistaken at the very end corner next to the door. :)

Please bear in mind that one of the things I do on very rare occasion is to expose my past, not just because how horrible I looked then (now I feel not much different anyway) but also because they who existed in my past mostly is out of my present. So yeah enjoy while you can :D

And looking back at those days, I remember this one guy I called Nodi. He wasn't from our school, but we met because he went to my school for um either tae kwon do or Tunas Saintis, or both, I can't remember which. He was a friend of a friend of mine. We didn't know each other very long, but after a couple of days he told me about his family, even showed me the photo of his parents.

Now looking back, I was surprised of how easy I make friends back then. Hehe. And I wonder, if he remembers me too? I want him to at least say "I don't remember your name, but I know you from somewhere and I know we've talked". Because last year (or the year before that) I bumped into this guy I knew for a couple of days in my past, and he remembered me so I hope for the same :)

p.s: Please don't be surprised of how huge I was in high school. I was 58kgs when I was 17 okay. T_T

image #viatumblr

Weekends

2011-09-03T09:06:00.001+12:00

It feels like forever since I had a nice, calm weekend. I can't even remember when was that. This week life has been a tad too busy, even in the weekend. I've been juggling my time so much I could do that in the street and be a millionaire from it. Between practicum, work, rugby world cup, assignment, and real life, I almost didn't think about myself. Yes it feels like I've lost myself in between.

I've been trying to look up for support, but hey, if you couldn't be there for them, can you really expect much in return? I don't blame them, it's totally my fault. Now I'm trying to find time for myself. I need a getaway, to some island, be myself and not care about anything or anyone else.

Ugh being myself. One thing some people hate about me. How do I live knowing that for a fact somebody I love is hating me for dressing the way I like?

I don't know who else to turn to in this depressing time, other than Him. May He grant me extraordinary emotional strength.

Ground.

2011-09-01T01:17:00.000+12:00

I could tell all day long if I want to, of how my day went. And how I get annoyed at some silly things.

But I'm standing on the ground of something unreal, because reality sounds too harsh for me these days. I may seem and sound normal, but I am definitely running away. This isn't good, but it's the only way.

And I promise I'd stand up for myself if somebody I don't fancy much annoy me. I did that twice this week. It didn't feel good, probably because it isn't the right thing to do, but that's better than being hypocritical, no?

2011-08-30T20:53:00.000+12:00

Alhamdulillah bertemu lagi kita dalam rancangannnnn.... BACA HAWA MEREPEK!

Okay so as some have already known, this week and the next is our first practicum here (not EVER, but officially yeah this is the first). On the first day, which was yesterday I was so nervous I went to sleep at 12, woke up at 2, 4 and finally 6 am. Today things went much better. I read a story to the kids today (something I've never done before at school; last time when I was releasing my mum Naim read the story for the kids HAHA) and helped them with Maths.

The kids were absolutely awesome. They listen and follow instructions well and they're the sweetest.

Oh well, they're one of the reasons I didn't feel so sad about this year's Eid. I know, I'm supposed to be sobbing and everything but when you're around wonderful kids, you can take your minds off of things.

So yep, Eid Mubarak to everyone back home. Today's our last day of Ramadhan and we'll only be celebrating Eid tomorrow. I don't plan to wear baju kurung because it's cold (and it's gonna rain) but I'll try.

I miss everyone back home btw. ♥

p.s.: The kids got the New Zealand accent stuck in my head. I'm even reading my own writing in it. -.-

The day I killed someone.

2011-08-27T12:38:00.000+12:00

So.. yesterday was pretty eventful.

It started okay and pretty normal; I wake up, have a brief chat with Naim on the phone (he's working night shift so by the time I call he's wide awake, or chilling), then go to the pastoral care meeting. There we talked about graduation, and this iftar we're having tomorrow. Meh, not much to tell. After that I went to the uni bookstore and took some time finding some entertaining book. Almost bought Cyanide & Happiness Vol. 2, but didn't thinking that I'd probably read it once and stack it and only read it again the next year.

Then Nisya joined me and we chilled at the Albert Park.

Don't ask me what was she doing -.-"

Then we roamed around Queen St, and Nisya got herself a new pair of flats. Now if you're wondering why all we did was wandering around, that's because the meeting ended at 11am and our next lecture was at 3pm. So many hours to kill ;)

Then after class, we head back to get ready for iftar sponsored by Emirates at RAVIZ, this one Indian restaurant in Auckland. Meanwhile, I tried to update the OS for my Blackberry for the umpteenth time. (Yup, I'm back with Blackberry, but not on BIS so please stop asking for my BB PIN. If you have my number, I'm on whatsapp) When several other attempts failed, I decided to wipe my phone before loading the new OS. It seemed to work... until after rebooting the white death screen appears.

My phone was unusable! I went to iftar with such terrible mood I killed someone brutally in my head. I had lost all my contacts and possibly the phone itself in less than two hours!

We then went to Event to see Crazy Stupid Love. There, my EFTPOS and debit BOTH messed up. I checked my balance and I had way more than 14.50, but I don't know what the hell is wrong with my cards. We saw the movie. It was entertaining, not exactly something memorable (except for Ryan Gosling's hotness) but it was heartbreaking at the same time (congratulations, Steve Carell!).

After movie we went back and I worked on the phone for some times and voila! It works like magic. Alhamdulillah. Now I have a better 9300. Hikhik.

So that's the end of the journal for yesterday.

Bye bye.

Abstinence

2011-08-23T22:50:00.002+12:00

So, Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Today we made mi bandung and mi goreng mamak for iftar/dinner. Mi goreng was by Bill's request and I've been craving for mi bandung so yeah. Mi goreng jadik, and so did mi bandung, but I wished I had more ingredients like parsley, ground nuts and fried shallot. But it was still awesome.

Then I also craved for kuih potong. For those who don't know how kuih potong looks like, this is it:

picture courtesy of Google, obviously.

Last year I made my mom send this to me. She was reluctant at first, because she thinks I crave for crappy things. Things people who study overseas won't miss. But I do miss this cheap cake (it's sold at RM2 at sundry stores). This year mom wouldn't send me anything, ESPECIALLY this. But I want this so bad :(

And by the way, have you ever heard about mental fatigue? I am at that now. I am too tired to think (probably due to the overwhelming level of stress I-and I believe my other coursemates-are having these couple of days), I have low concentration and I tend to make mistakes/errors. And I couldn't be bothered to fix them (so pardon me if there's any grammatical error in this post. If you know me well, you'd know I usually would fix it immediately). I couldn't even be bothered to translate English words into Malay. I just wrote on my junior's wall "Selamat finish the rest of the Ramadhan". Seriously, who does that? And I almost wrote "salap silah" instead of "salah silap". What the hell?

I am right now at the point where I am hypothetically smashing my netbook or anything else (other than my camera), of which I would hypothetically regret when my mind is more stable. And please, I wanna talk to Naim?

Overloaded with pictures

2011-08-21T12:01:00.002+12:00

Okay you know how this year things have been a little bit hard on me? And I thought I'd just 'go with it' and I will forget everything that happened this year thus no 'sweet memories' will be made? (Yes that is one of the many reasons why I haven't recorded any major, life-changing or 'awesome events/adventures in my life lately. Mostly they're just ramblings or curhat hehe).

Today I woke up, I looked at tagged photos of me on Facebook, and I realized, there IS a story behind those pictures. Which means, there are great things happened in my life. So I'm gonna repost a few here and tell you what it was about (plus my blog looks super dull without pictures).

This is from the Owl City concert we went last week at the Town Hall. It was a great concert, and I just realized something. Last year we went to Cobra Starship concert on the 12th of March, and this concert was on the 12th of August. Both were held at the same venue.

And one of the best thing about that night is that I went with my best friends, Bill and Chapix. They're the funnest people in this world! Here are some more pictures taken by Chapix that night (I was in the mood for camera that night)

p.s.: Queen Street is a wonderfully-lit place at night.

-----------------------------------

And then there were these pictures:

Last night we had iftar with the student attache from Malaysian Student Department. We had Nasi Briyani (and so much more). I think we were the loudest table. We laughed about so many things (this is before Qalam came and joined us, after that we laughed even louder).

Well, this one is obviously the salam perantau I sent. It came out on Metro. My family was happy (because I finally did what they wanted -.-') but it caused a spark in Naim's family. You see, last year, I mentioned his name and his family's, but this year IT GOT CUT. +_+

This is the photo from the Cultural Mosaic in our uni. UMSA (a Malaysian association) was performing, so Natalee came up to me and asked for a photo. Don't tell me I look hideous, I know -.-

This is (almost) the whole of UMNO Bersatu contingent. Yup.

This, I'm sure it was during futsal. I was in a pretty bad mood :/

This was on my birthday night; the BERSATU closing dinner. I call it 'me with the apeks' LOL. Actually the one on the left is Saifful (so no he's not Chinese, well not entirely at least), then there's Alex and Minn. They all play in the same basketball team (for UMSA). Saifful was the captain for BERSATU and Minn was the captain for the team in Asia Games.

Umm, duhhh, only one of my favorite photos. This was in Lindis Pass. We went there during our South Island trip after BERSATU games. Here let me present you with more.

OKDAH.

THIS was at the Octagon, in Dunedin. We had quite fun time roaming around the city and we got here, to the statue (of which we don't even know the name or significance, pardon our ignorance).

This, um I'm pretty sure it's during handball. I was in a waaaayyyyyy better mood for handball, for some reasons. One of them being well, I liked handball better. We got only the fourth place, but it was fine, because the teams that got the medals deserved it.

This is after the closing dinner. On the left is Kema (yes she's a blogger and the name is clickable), Saifful, me and Ijan. We were in the same group during BTN, all four of us, and I love them the most, so yeah this picture was special to me ♥

--------------------------------------

So I think that's it. It's a pretty wonderful year I'm having actually. And I thought I was lost. PFFFTTH.

I wish they would bring back

2011-08-19T01:25:00.000+12:00

Those who spend much time on twitter (especially for the past couple of days) have sure heard of #IWishTheyWouldBringBack hashtag (redundancy alert!). I didn't join the hashtag, but I sure have some things I wish they would bring back. No, this isn't a serious post, just a wishlist-sort-of.

1) I wish they would bring back Ryan Ross and Jon Walker back in Panic! At The Disco. I mean I love Brendon and all his craziness, and the balance Spencer gives. But I was watching Live in Chicago DVD today and I realized; Brendon is good on his own, but when the whole band is up on the stage, it's like a happy family. Complete. And happy.

2) I wish they would bring back Fall Out Boys. Patrick sucks on his own. Nuff said.

3) I wish they would bring back my favorite footballers: Oliver Kahnand Luis Figo.

Hehe I think that's all kut. Gute Nacht!

The past, tough love.

2011-08-18T02:54:00.001+12:00

So today I was looking back at (almost) all the questions I answered on formspring. One, particularly, attracted me.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

You know what, I actually wrote a really long post of what I wished I could tell her. Nicely and not so nicely. But meh, it's a waste of time. I'm trying to grow up here, so I'm just gonna let it slip. I said sorry, I've done my part. Not that I wasn't sorry of what I did, I truly am. But everything now is up to her and God.

I think I'm improving. I don't bitch about her here, even though I clearly can :)

p.s.: boyfriend, if you are reading this, I'm very sure you didn't know about this. Sorry for hiding it from you for like 9 months. I didn't want to because I didn't want her to appear evil to you, and I didn't want to sound like I'm trying to make you hate her. And most of all, because I knew I'd seem irrelevant and irrational to you anyway :)

SURVEY. Because I like it.

2011-08-17T10:53:00.000+12:00

Your ex texted you and wanted you back. Would you take him/her back?

Depends on which ex was it. If it's not Naim (if he ever be my ex) then NO.

Has anyone told you “forever and ever” then left?

Hm not really. He stayed.

Someone you love?

Pretty obvious, no? Naim.

Where did you meet your crush(es)?

Crushes, eh? High school, uni.

Have you ever lost a close friend?

Yup. But I'm long over that.

Do you smoke weed regularly?

Nope.

Think back to the beginning of 2011. Are you still dating the same person?

Yes.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship?

Why would they? I'm freaking 22 yaw lol

When was the last time you really laughed?

I honestly can't remember.

Something is wrong. First guy you turn too?

Not sure. These days I keep it to myself. But maybe Naim.

First girl you’d turn to?

My sister or Nisya.

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you because of something you did?

Obviously.

Angry at anyone?

Nope, not atm.

What’s stopping you from going for the person you like?

I went to him.

When was the last time you cried really hard?

Can't honestly remember. Maybe July 20th?

Is there anyone you would do anything for?

Yes. My sisters and brother, and definitely my parents. And then him.

Who was the last person you talked to for more than 10 minutes on the phone?

Mom.

What is your favorite song?

Currently? Almost every song in All Things Bright and Beautiful. Right now I have Kamikaze in my head.

Do you like Red Bull?

No, not really. Sugarfree V, I like.

How many people can you tell just about everything to?

3, four including my mom.

Have you ever wished on a shooting star?

No. Haha.

Does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?

No.

Describe yourself in one word.

Mediocre.

Do you have anything that belongs to your ex?

Um nope.

Can you honestly say you’ve had a sleepover with the opposite gender?

Yup.

Do you rebound?

I don't think so.

Ever cheated on someone?

Well accidents happen. JKJK.

What would you do if you found out the person you like was in a relationship?

Get over him.

Do you act differently around the person you like?

Eh, not really.

Honestly, what guy’s number do you have memorized?

My boyfriend's?

Is it hard to make you laugh?

It's hard to make me snort. Heh

Who was the last person to make you mad?

That one girl. I wasn't mad though, just annoyed.

Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?

LOL he said it few times.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?

Yup.

Has anyone ever called you scrumptious before?

He didn't say the exact word ;)

Would you like to put a night on repeat and live it forever?

Yes please. That one particular night.

Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out?

I have a friend who knows me inside out.

Is your best friend a slut?

Nope.

Is hard drugs a turn off?

YES.

Are you happy with life right now?

Yeah I suppose :)

Are you still in love with your ex?

NO.

Have you ever been the “other person” in a relationship?

Yup, obliviously.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

Yes.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

And yes.

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in?

Meh, nobody I suppose.

Where is your best friend?

Here, there, everywhere.

Something you’re happy about?

I would tell you, but I'm not supposed to!

How is your heart lately?

Happy, flourishing, hihi.

Owl City in Auckland 2011

2011-08-15T01:32:00.001+12:00

K so last Friday we went to the Town Hall for Owl City concert, which I believed I mentioned about in the last post. What took me so long to post about it is the pictures. Last year we went to Cobra Starship/Owl City and we brought in whatever camera we had, even my DSLR. This year, even a semi like Chapix's Sony NEX5 wasn't allowed in :( So all we had with us were our camera phones. So obviously the pictures we had (or lack thereof) aren't up to the quality we wanted.

The concert?

We were surprised that it was rather a show than a concert. The size of the audience is far less than last year, but I liked how intimate the show felt (but I was lovesick of Brendon that time, I lost count of the times I wished Brendon was there, blah3). Breanne Duren broke the ice (sort of, many don't know her songs, but they are pretty good), and then came Alaska. Alaska is a local indie-folk band. Remember how last time I said I only listened to one of their songs? I seriously regret them. They were so good it's unbelievable! I hope The Edge will have them for this year's End Of Daze (our Uni's own way of celebrating the last day of lecture- party and concert from day to night).

Then it's time for the real star. Adam Young had moustache! Kinda mystifying but whatever. He showed significant improvement in the vocal department, along with his physical appearance. He told us how he loved the McDonald's here for having hot fudge in McFlurry's (but I say McFlurry isn't McFlurry until you stir em) that he might consider moving to Auckland lol.

I like the songs from his second album, a lot. They're enjoyable and definitely earworming (??). So over all it was a really fun concert, where all I did was standing, moving and enjoying his songs, rather than screaming and obsessing over the singer *cough*GABE*cough*. I guess I really liked it. ♥

Oh yes, pictures. I got them all from Coup de Main. Hahahahaahaha.

Jealousy comes in such a grace

2011-08-11T21:11:00.000+12:00

Getting ready for Owl City's concert tomorrow, I'm listening to the opening acts' songs, well to be fair just one song by Alaska (it's a local band) called "Manitoba" and lots of Breanne Duren's songs. And I fell in love with Duren, no jokes. I love her voice in Owl City's Honey and The Bee, but I absolutely love her song "Lenses"

Life?
Have you ever felt like you're at the right place, doing the right job, dating the right guy, and you don't ever wanna leave?
I don't think I'm there yet.
It's as if I'm sitting by a window, looking out, and wonder where (or what) should I be.

I'm still deciding.

Bad luck? Not really.

2011-08-05T12:14:00.000+12:00

My mom has this theory about me; it isn't easy for me to get something, but when I do, there's always a catch.

Today, I'm gonna say, she's right.

Months ago, before I even applied to McDonald's, I applied to be a volunteer for Rugby World Cup opening ceremony. All the response I got was "your application is being processed" and the usual "we will contact you if your application is successful" yada. And today, I got a call from them saying that they are sorting me (and many other volunteers) into departments, and they're placing me into the one I needed to broaden my career prospect (kind of). I was ecstatic. They gave me the dates, too.

Then, Nisya hit me (not literally). She said on those dates we have practicum. I totally forgot about that -.-" So there's high possibility that I have to turn it down :(

After that, I got an email from McDonald's. I haven't been scheduled for work for weeks now (almost a month actually), and now they're giving me few hours. Problem is, they put me to work in the kitchen. I'm trying to avoid working at the kitchen, so I had to email my manager and tell him I have to turn it down, unless I'm rescheduled to work the drive-thru.

OH GOD.

:(

It's okay, this won't bring me down Insya Allah :)

Ramadhan kareem!

2011-08-01T11:55:00.000+12:00

It's that time of the year again! Ramadhan is simply my (and our family's) favorite month, hands down. Because in this month, apparently, my dad and I argue the least (haha) and we bond better. And yes, all that with me being more than 300km away from home almost 3/4 of the month. Magical, isn't it?

From 2002 to 2009, I'd be home for every first Ramadhan, because Johor is one of the states that declares Awal Ramadhan as a public holiday. And for all I know, on the night of first Ramadhan we would all go to tarawikh, and on the way home we'd either a) stop by a mamak and chill there or b) stop by the groceries store and buy things we thought we'd 'need' for Ramadhan, e.g. milk, butterscotch bread, ice cream. LOL. And we'd chill in the hall till late (I most probably wouldn't sleep till around 3) and still wake up early for suhoor (my super mom, she'd wake up the earliest obviously). Dad would wake us up and we'd all be heading downstairs to sleep in the couch. Hihi.

2008 and 2009 *because we got together after Ramadhan 2007* he was added on to my routines. He'd wake me up for suhoor and we'd text a bit, and sleep afterwards. And the same would be for break fast. But usually in Johor we break our fasts earlier than Perak, so I'll be sure to text him to drive him nuts but he'd stay away from the phone till it's Maghrib at his place. 2010, he'd wake me up before he goes to sleep (around midnight), we'd talk and I'd go down for suhoor. And I'd wake him up for suhoor when I'm up in the morning. For a second, I thought this year it would be different. But Alhamdulillah all's the same.

p.s.: Ramadhan 2007 (Sept 2007) is when I was dumped, right before I met him in December.
p.p.s.: We never really stayed in the same city in Ramadhan (except on few weekends, just so boleh buka sama), so we never got the "kurangkan berdating" advice. Hihihi.

Mon ami. Eh ma chambre. Ke mon chambre?

2011-07-31T17:25:00.000+12:00

So this weekend is pretty much the most productive weekend for me this year. Well we did something on Friday night, so I tucked in only at almost 6am. I woke up feeling super tired, so I slept in till noon or something. Then I watched some of my favorite movies; Fired Up, Jumper, and Mean Girls. But wait, I didn't really watch them. I put them on play and just listened to the lines and continued sleeping, listening to the movie. BAHAHA. Yes that's what I do. Because I can't sleep in pin-drop silence.

In the night, after Skyping with Naim, I started tidying up my room which was super messy before. Not an exaggeration when I put that "super" right there okay. Memang sumpah bersepah. But being the ADD I am, I couldn't stay more than 2 minutes doing one thing, so in between I called my mum (who asked me to take a decent picture and send it to Salam Perantauan regardless of my willingness T_T), talked to Biha (who apparently loves TEMPE, ha! My sister definitely, since no one else in my family- seriously NO ONE loves tempe as much as I do other than this kid), did sit up, made drinks, blah3. Finished everything including redecorating slash changing the pictures on my picture wall by 4am.

Woke up the next morning at 11, I cleaned the kitchen and fridge thoroughly, but I did the bathroom with mere mediocrity. I was finally done by 2pm. Nisya made some 'appreciation pasta' (lol), had lunch and has been studying slash making notes since then. Of course, everything else in between.

Ha sape tak pernah nampak bilik ai, ni ha ghupenye.

Bangga la sikit kan siapa jadi boyfriend I, dapat girlfriend rajin macam ni. HAHAHA. Eh sorry hujung katil ada buku and paper. Biase la, ai mana buleh study atas meja kan. Hukhuk.

Famous blogger/facebooker/twitter? READ THIS.

2011-07-27T16:50:00.000+12:00

Disclaimer

No, this part of the post wouldn't take half a page like in your textbook. What I have got to say after this might offend some people I know and don't, but it is not exactly my intention. So before anything, I would like to apologize.

The Thing.

Call me old-fashioned, or lame if you please, but I don't really get the hype of "getting famous in the virtual world". Some feels the need to whore themselves out so that they'd be known. Some has the urge to act like they are some kind of a big shot in this unreal, man-made world so others can be fooled and I don't know, respect them more probably (seriously, you are fooling nobody but yourself). Some even feels like the whole world knows them.

What's the point?

What's so great about having thousands followers on your blog or twitter account, if you still think that "Twitter" changed the meaning of "twit" and people who 'follows' your blog actually followed hundreds more blogs that claimed themselves as "famous" and ended up not reading your blog anyway? What's so fabulous about having more than a thousand friends on Facebook with more than 20 likes per status when in the middle of the night in a nowhere your car breaks down and all that's available for you is the AA? What's the point in having all that, you soaking in the fake fame and showering with the pretentious comments?

I'm not saying this because I'm "jealous" or "annoyed" that I don't have much followers, or nobody views my vlogs or whatever. I don't even care. I'm just saying this because, well, seriously I don't get it. And please, I don't want to be known, I just want to be read and understood. I don't want to have 5745 followers (I just hit random numbers by the way, not referring to anyone) but only 60 *actually* reads my post and comment about it, without expecting a "followback" or asking me to come visit their blog (because I will do so willingly, if something they said in the comment section impressed me). For God's sake, I've had people I don't know telling me they read my blog, they follow me on twitter, in real life. But every time they do, I never think of myself as "famous". I'd always go "eleh baru sorang dua baca" (okay this is not a 'budget best' statement, and I know it sounds like I'm bragging, but no, I'm just trying to make a point here).

You see, I bet not even half of my followers would read beyond the first paragraph after "The Thing", let alone to get to this point. And I know my friends read this, but they don't have to follow me, they won't even tell me they read this, and I'll not ask them to. Because when they read this, they'll understand what kind of person I am. And that's my aim.

I told you much earlier, I am obnoxious. And most of the times I want to be right (especially grammatically, and that'd be "correct", not "right", by the way) (although I am not always, and I know that). But actually I am more than that. And telling you about what I do, where I go everyday wouldn't tell you much about what kind of a person that I am. I can go "oh today I went to the beach. I like the cute guys hanging out there, and the beach is so pretty" and be monotonous/bimbo the whole time, and all you see is a 23-acting-17 years old (probably blonde) girl, innocent and everything because "on blog I sounded nice" but in real world I backstab my friends, I cheated in exam and everything. I DON'T WANT THAT._1.

And whoring myself out is so not my thing. Because first, I know I'm not pretty. And there's like thousands of other pretty girls dying to show off their pretty faces, so I'll just leave that job to them. When at rare times I post pictures of me camwhoring, it's either a) I'm high on sugar b) I just want to annoy you/my friends. Yes that's all. And I also don't get all the contests "to get to know my followers better" or whatever lying crap they put out there when for all I know, God, we are all vain, so most probably it's just to check how many "fans" they have or whatever.

Conclusion

I don't want uncountable fans, followers, or "Facebook friends". I'd love some real friends, in addition to my own. Or probably for you readers to know me as me. I'm almost transparent here, hello.

^1. NO, I didn't mean lay out your sins for the world to see. Just be smart, use that God-given brain to draw the line.

p.s: YES I USED HIGHLIGHTERS TO MAKE YOU READ THE POST LOL.

I'm baaaacccckkkk

2011-07-26T19:36:00.000+12:00

Okay so it's been like 10 days since I last updated my blog. Seriously I should just retire already pffth. Yesterday I made a video so I could replace the supposed-to-be regular writings, but I was too lazy to edit the video so yeah. Today I had a test, which went okay I suppose because it's an open-book test (well it should be, it's only our 2nd week of class and we had a test already!) and after that a whole lengthy lecture on syllabus and whatnot, so my mind is like super tired right now I don't think the sentences I construct even make sense.

Oh yes, positive parts (because I can't be bothered dragging everyone around me in this hole where everything is bad and blah3) of my life lately:

1. Naim sent me a birthday present. It's a lovely little box and a Body Shop Moroccan Rose gift set. I love it!! And Good God I'm too lazy to take a quality picture of it so here goes, camera phone-quality hehe.

This is the gift set (obviously). It came in a very pretty packaging ♥

And this is the custom-made box he made ♥ This came with a video instruction. Like, I know how to make it a box, but I love the instructions he gave. Hihi.

2. Farhanis gave me an Etude House nail color (because she went to Korea recently) and a keychain/charm. I only knew about Etude House from Eiykaa's blog actually but I appreciate it!

3. Kyra gave me a present I love the most ♥

4. Saifful gave me the soft toy/plush he won at Gold Coast. Haha cute :)

The not-so-good stuffs? I prefer keeping it to myself. I'll just let it be between me, God, and the people involved (direct or indirectly).

So catch this, a picture of myself with the accidental curly hair (a result of, hold you breath, three days of not washing my hair- gross, I know, and tying my hair in a bun overnight + a bit of hairspray) I sported today.

Messy kan kan? But I got few positive responses ;) Not really sure if I'd like to keep not washing my hair though...

Something you and I miss.

2011-07-17T17:12:00.001+12:00

When I miss someone, I would listen to "Part of The List" several times until I tell myself "I'm done missing you".

And that's exactly what I did today. That song reminded me so much of him, the person I don't want to think about. But the way the song started, "Style of your hair, shape of your eyes and your nose.. The way you stare as if you see right through to my soul".. it just reminds me so much of him (as of now. Usually it reminds me of someone else). Partly because I've been seeing the person who reminds me of him too much these few days. Partly because it precisely described him. Partly because we had great times together. Partly because I used to analyse him that way and store every details at the back of my mind.

I sat back and reminisced those days. I didn't wonder why things didn't work out between us. I didn't wish it would. But I found me telling myself how happy it was. What sort of feelings I had those days.

Anyways, moving on. I found a picture I took using my now-gone Bold 3 :( It was the first picture I took using it, to test the camera. I looked horrible in it, but I love how the picture turned out to be.

Now, THAT is something I miss and wish would turn out different. Haih.

Christmas in July.. sort of

2011-07-14T10:08:00.000+12:00

one snowy morning, Lake Tekapo. Yes we woke up to this.

Snow on our way to Tekapo I guess. This is Lindis Pass ♥

Not an affinity

2011-07-13T01:21:00.000+12:00

*ring*

"HALO" /suara jantan/

"Hello?"
"SAYAANNNGGG!"
"Hey baby. Dah balik?"
"Dah, baru je. Kenapa sayang?"
"Aa? Takde pape. Saje nak call. Rindu kat sayang"

♥ <= nampak ni? CAIR GILE OKAY. Cuba jangan sweet sangat buleh? :'>

Laki sape ni angkat tangan??

*angkat tangan laju²*

You, kalau baca ni please know that I miss you so freaking much and saying this a thousand times will not a bit help! ♥ ♥

Hei Hei

2011-07-11T22:09:00.001+12:00

I'm homeeee!

Um, home as in Auckland, not Malaysia alright. But I am so glad to be here. Like seriously, South Island is gorgeous and all but no place in New Zealand is better than Auckland! Everywhere in South Island is sooo dead (except for Christchurch, I guess, the place's a bit lively at night, incomparable to Auckland nevertheless). We had our first snow encounter (um last year we had to go up Mount Hutt for snow, which was comparatively awesome but this year we literally drove through snowfall!), drove down the most horrible road in the world, saw the most gorgeous buildings, stayed by a very stunning lake and many more!

This is the trip where I had the most motion sickness in history too. Well that's something memorable. And I got sick in the cold weather. Windburned lips, cold, cough and flu. Complete package with sunburned skin as a side. PFFFTT.

Also, we got bronze for futsal. Okay la, despite what happened. And only fourth placing for handball, but all good.

After getting myself a long-missed home-cooked meal, I went to get the stuffs mom sent me via Khairul (Izzati's boyfriend). Mom sent me three pairs of baju kurung (some of them are big, but they're all lovely, thanks mom ♥), and most importantly a cellphone. I thought it's my K850i, but apparently it's my brother's K770i. -.-" But all's good since my memory card was in it. I took a look at my old pictures, and GOD I was a really chubby girl this time last year. Most probably because my hair was shorter back then, but I was so fat it's almost unbelievable. Happy to see improvements this year, but I need to still work hard. Jia you!

Oh yes, I am still converting my RAW pictures to JPEG, so I'll just post whatever I have now, k? Here.

Me and Saifful took a night walk around University of Otago, guided by few friends.

Bill, Xiao Xian, Alex, and yours truly.

Gambar lain nanti okay.. Hehe.

Laters, alligators!

p.s: FACT: Hei Hei is the name of a place in Christchurch. NOT EVEN KIDDING. Bye.

travelling..

2011-06-29T10:06:00.001+12:00

Haihai.

So, I'm leaving for Dunedin and the rest of the Southland in less than six hours. JSYK, I most probably won't be updating this blog because for one, the place we're staying at doesn't offer wireless facility, but I reckon they have computers that operate on gold coins. But that'd be expensive, so nope.

So let me tell you in brief what'll happen in this two weeks.

29th June (today): leave for Dunedin. Will land tonight, at around 6pm.
30th June: I don't know, still in Dunedin, maybe catch up with some friends
1st July: Marching in (opening ceremony of BERSATU Games)
2nd July: Planning and going round town (since our hotel is so near to the Cadbury World hihi), but maybe some last minute practice too. Or maybe go see Ema playing hockey/Fareha playing badminton.
3rd July: Futsal! Okay that sounds scary. :-S Nervoussss.
4th July: US' Independence Day! Ok jkjk. Handball in the very morning. Okayyy.
5th July: MY BIRTHDAY! :D Saifful's basketball, Ema and Fareha's netball. Might as well stay, but IDK really.
6th July: Off to Queenstown & Te Anau
7th July: Milford Sound Cruise
8th July: Wanaka & Lake Tekapo
9th July: Arthur's Pass
10th July: Christchurch slash my former bestfriend's birthday slash my aunt's birthday
11th July: Back to Auckland

So yeah I suggest you stop coming to my blog from tomorrow to 11th of July. Hihi. Tak pernah orang buat mintak visitors jangan datang. Huahahahaha.

Dunedin

2011-06-26T19:43:00.003+12:00

1. I don't really fancy Air New Zealand for some reasons, including their online booking management system, which, according to Malaysians' most recent favorite quote, "APEEE PUN TAK BOLEHH". But at times like this (the volcanic ash cloud condition), I thank God we booked direct flight to Dunedin with Air New Zealand. Heh. Now I know how Parisians especially (heh?) felt when they had the same condition last year.

2. Not really whelmed over the fact that we're flying south, but kind of excited. Okay I know for sure I'm gonna hate the cold, but maybe I am excited that I'm going with my dearest friends. All girls club y'all.

3. Apparently according to Google, this is Dunedin. Oh good God how I wish it is as warm as it seems!

4. I've been put on hold by Jetstar for 42 minutes now. Goodness! I need to sort my flight back :(

5. I just noticed that now he is no longer studying, I have to compromise a lot. Not that I am complaining, but I just need to teach myself to be more patient, I guess.

6. Just got off the phone with Jetstar, after 53 minutes of waiting. PHEW! Yes I took 11 minutes to go from point 4 to point 6.

I'm browsing through Dunedin photos on Tumblr. Go, go now. Chop, chop!

UPDATE//
Saw this picture:

And I went..................... FUCK. I'm gonna cry in this cold like seriously. You think snow is sweet? PLEASE DO NOT WISH MALAYSIA HAS SNOW. It's fucking depressing and unhealthy. That's all, thank you.

Photo credit: http://searchingforthedolphins.tumblr.com/

Today I have pretty mixed emotion.

2011-06-25T02:12:00.001+12:00

But instead of seeing it negatively as usual, I, surprisingly find today I have healthy balance of emotions. It all began with me feeling bad about the finals. Well, 'feeling horrible' would be an understatement like seriously. I got lost and got into the examination hall late. And I didn't have my ID with me. And I couldn't answer most of the questions. I couldn't even 'hentam' okay, it's that bad for a good paper bluffer like me -.-'

I was pretty sure that I'm gonna fail this paper. So I went back anyway, had kebab for lunch (haven't had heavy meals for three days- I had to cut my food intake because I couldn't find time for gym, so that was my 'treat', kind of). Then it happened. I saw my friends' statuses and whatnot, whining and complaining about the paper, just like I did. And then it hit me. Is it so hard for me to be thankful that it is over, regardless of the outcome? So I said my prayers and God, I feel better :)

Then I thought about this one person. It's because of them that I wonder if anyone would ever accept me for me. I mean, look at me. Am not compliant to the commandments (in some ways), I curse a lot, in short I am not what people expect me to be. And I've had some people wanting me to hide the 'bad' side of me so they could accept me and see me the way they want to see me. So I wonder, if it is possible for someone, somebody to accept me JUST the way I am, and love me for my obnoxiousness, my bitchiness, my appearance, and everything. I really wonder.

And then I thought about this guy. Who did everything to be with me. Well he's not with me exactly 24/7. Most of the times when I'm here he can't be around for me. But seriously, who else would move to Banting (which I believe, only *I* found special) so that we could spend summer together? And he's still there, leaving his friends behind :( And who else would spend thousands just so he could be with me? Tell me who. I'm not settling with him because 'it's easier than finding someone else'. No. I'm still with him because I still love him, and he's the best it could get. And I remember things weren't as hard when we were near. He finishes work, drives to McDonald's and we would have some good 2 minutes :') Or when he rides to my house just to hang out and have a chat with me and my parents. Or when he walks to my house to play badminton with me. Or the times when we drive to the beaches and just breathe the fresh air in. Or when we would spend our days off away from Banting and have regular mall dates, but tries new restaurants each time. Shit, things during just summer were really sweet. Belum lagi kira other times. Right now it isn't as horrendous, but it's different.

But the feelings won't change :) And God, as hard as being long distance sounds, I don't wanna change a thing about our relationship, I'll just let it run its course. No changing the past. It's nice, having someone so far away, feeling their love from halfway across the globe.

p.s: I am so sorry this is a really long personal rant. Read if you want to, or just click any other awesome links on the sidebar, no pressure.

Pretentiously in a hurry.

2011-06-23T18:23:00.004+12:00

I have another paper to sit tomorrow, so I'm just gonna pretend like I don't have much time to write because I have to study because "I haven't studied a bit" so this would seem like a quick post.

Books I wish to read (because I am actually in need to read good books, and these are the books that caught my attention and sent kind of a telepathic message to my brain saying "Hawa you need to buy these books. Of course, when you have money"):

1. Natascha Kampusch, 3,096 Days.
2. All Richard Branson's books.
3. All in The World According To Clarkson series.
4. How To Make Love LOLJK. I flipped through this book the other day and I found it hilarious, so, no.
5. The Best American Magazine Writing 2010.
6. Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being A Wallflower. Okay maybe a little late, but I saw the excerpt one day and I figured that I really need to read this.

Also, I wish we can have Book of Mormon here in Auckland. Which, is not a book, but a Broadway musical.

And, I ~~want~~ need a Scrabble set. Like seriously. And a speaker set. Murah2 pun jadik. And a second hand projector pleaseeeeee.

//UPDATE

Chis, aku yang dikatanya tak mampu? Aku yang dikatanya tak boleh go on? What have I been doing all along then??? Atau deep inside kau memang mengharap aku give up? asfsdahgtfdgvrsdasag sukaaa nak cabar aku. Ciss.

That awkward moment when you ran into your crush.

2011-06-23T13:35:00.003+12:00

And he was with another girl.
Holding hands.
And he looked at you.
But he doesn't smile at you anymore.
And you pretend like you didn't see or know him.

Father's Day

2011-06-19T19:42:00.000+12:00

Ah dah semua nak sibuk wish Father's Day dari seminggu lepas lagi, aku dah tak rasa ada mood pulak nak tulis pasal Father's Day. Eh tak ada ke orang nak kata asal usul Father's Day ni sambutan untuk paderi pulak ke, macam Mother's Day? Konon untuk pecah stereotype, "saya tak sambut Father's Day sebab*insert absurd 'facts' retrieved from the internet and concluded without further research here*" padahal sebenarnya kau tak cool mana pun pecah stereotype tu.

Aku senang je, text Baba cakap "Selamat Hari Baba :D" lepas tu Baba reply "Ko kat mana? On Skype lah". OKFINE. Bapak aku tak pedulik pasal Father's Day. Simple. Bukan dapat elaun pun kalau sambut.

Sembang dengan mak, gelakkan Along yang mengalami temporal untut (filariasis elephantiasis) sebab kulit dia yang sensitif (cap ayam, kata mak). Mak dan Along tayang dua pasang baju kurung yang diorang beli untuk aku, cuma sebab diorang berkenan tapi takde saiz diorang (tak tau macam ni nak cakap aku untung ke, aku mangsa). Sembang pasal kura-kura yang dah besar godang. Aku cakap kat mak, "elok dah besar kura-kura tu, lepas kat laut lah" sebab walaupun kita panggil dia kura-kura, tapi dia turtle. Cuma bukan leatherback turtle yang kat Terengganu tu. Argue. Mak cerita kisah tukang renovate warga Indonesia yang minum sebotol minyak gamat bila tangannya luka. Gila sakit perut aku ketawa.

Hang up Skype, aku text Naim.

H: Happy father's day syg :')
N: Ha? Org mana ada anak.
H: Ye ke takde? Haha
N: Yup.. sorry.. awak salah husband ni.
H: Ahh. Ngade! I mana ada husband lain. Anak you ni! :P

Of course, siapa percaya aku pregnant memang bongok ah. Kitorang ni jangan kata anak betul, anak kucing angkat pun tak ada. Cuba kalau aku dengan dia in a serious physical relationship (maknanya we had intercourse la), mesti lawak ni lebih menjadi. Cuba membayangkan reaction dia:

H: Happy father's day syg :')
N: Awk.. Tell me you're kidding..
H: I'm not! Congratulations syg. I love you.
N: Tapi... kita dah 4 bulan tak jumpa. Sebenarnya, anak siapa?

JENG JENG JENGGGGGG.

I Haz A Sad

2011-06-18T02:29:00.002+12:00

Well, not really. Um, at least not anymore.

Geez, I don't do this often, but here goes.

I woke up tonight, from my nap (sort of, I fell asleep) feeling bad about something. But in return, I got worse news. So I was in terrible mood. I tried to sleep again, but I couldn't. So here I am, still up at 2 am.

What's so great about today? Well other than the fact that today's the birthday of my favorite guy, nothing much, really. So I called him up and wished him happy birthday. We had a little chat, and amazingly in those 7 minutes, he turned my frown upside down. I don't know many guys who can make me genuinely happy like that.

So I reflected on the times I was with him. SHIZZZ he has NEVER once made me sad, like seriously. Not once. I remember when he stood up for me from *cough* someone. I remember when he took me out a few times to places I'd never go on my own as a girl. I remember when he sent me home, or the times when I was being stood up by someone, he came to my rescue. I remember when he taught me some things. I remember when he gave me advice about guys without even meddling in my life. I remember when he held me when a weird guy came to me. I remember bumping into him for a second and he STILL made me laugh. I remember him helping me out with my thesis and him teaching me Swift. I remember he told me what kind of games he liked. I remember everything, except when he made me sad. I never had memory of that, because it never existed.

Here's for the brother I never had, Abg Awie (I can't write your full name here because I don't want others to know about this blog and mock me for my sappiness). Thank you for being there for me. Thanks for still looking out for me. Thank you for being the best cousin.

Happy 28th birthday, gemok. -> This is not an insult I swear. It's a term of endearment. Haha. -> This isn't a sarcastic laugh either. Haha. -> Okay I give up.

Abang memang suka buat lawak bongok. Pfffttth. Sebab tu la ramai lekat ek ek? :P I pray the best for you. Jangan just settle for anyone who stays. Because you deserve better :)

p.s: Today's Nora's birthday as well. FOREVER 21 baby! ♥
p.p.s: Oh gee thanks blogger. Memang suka kasi rusak gambar !

Having A Coke With You by Frank O'Hara

2011-06-17T18:35:00.001+12:00

HAVING A COKE WITH YOU

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I'm with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o'clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it's in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven't gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

—Frank O'Hara

The List.

2011-06-14T05:46:00.000+12:00

I bet everybody had their list. You know, not bucket list, but list of the 'perfect guy'. What a perfect guy should have. I don't know if guys have the same list and/or if it is based on stories or ego. I had mine. Before I started having feelings for a guy, I had a thing for guys with glasses. It makes them look smart. I know, I was stupid. And then I opened myself up. I made a list of what makes up a perfect guy for me.

He must be tall, has pretty eyes, tough built, preferably a sportsman, great sense of humor, smart, sensitive, and kind-hearted. Oh, and not forgetting great smile (that means perfect teeth too in a sense), and ability to play guitar and sing. And gosh, how lucky I was. I didn't just saw him, I found that guy. I fell hard for him. Like, real hard. I (almost) dated my perfect guy!

But if there's one thing I learned from life, it'd be there's always a catch. He was my perfect guy. But things didn't work out. Actually, it turned ugly in the end (I hope that IS the end, I'm so tired of playing games).

Then I found somebody else. Of course, a few others in between. And after the last breakup (before this guy), I realized that I was being stupid. I wrote a list anyway, hoping that I would find the right guy this time. But I became less strict this time. I can't remember what I wrote, other than 'taller than me, nice smile, glasses'. Then there he was, right in front of me.

He's not as tall as the first guy I fell for, but taller than me alright. He has wonderful smile, the kind that would light up the world, and when I met him he wore glasses. But he wasn't a sportsman (at least not that I know of), he's a man of few words, he couldn't play guitar (well) and he hates singing, he's medium built.... but I looked over all of them. Because I fell not for what he's like, but for who he is. He treats me right, every single time. I once asked him, where did he learn all that, and he said "from others' experiences. I gotta learn, I don't wanna lose you". He listens to me, and although he is a man of few words, his words always come out as wisdom, and always keeps me calm. And entertained. And feel loved. He wants to look strong for me, but he shares his feelings with me too. He always fights for me, for our relationship, and never gives up on me or us. His eyes always melts me away. He's responsible.

He might not be everything I looked for, but he is definitely a gift from God for me. He might not be the 'perfect guy' I wished for in my list, but I hope God thinks he is perfect for me, that's why He sent him to me.

Photo #viatumblr

TYPICALLLLLLLL

2011-06-12T23:52:00.002+12:00

It's really not my intention to post negative things here, so I prefer typing with natural or positive emotions, or tweet about things that won't require you to feel anything. But sometimes it's inevitable. So here goes.

1. I have finals tomorrow morning. EDCURRIC104 (Maths) to be exact. It's 9.15 in the morning, but of course, we'd have to be there by at least 8.45am. Now since we have to take a bus to that particular campus, and walk for about 10 minutes from the bus stop, I would have to go out at 8, at least. Waking up at 7 isn't really something I fancy, but I need to. I hope I can pull this off!

2. Like every other typical tertiary students, the day before my finals was spent like this: Woke up at 11 > futsal practice 11.30 to 2.30 > gym > got back 3.30 > made nachos and beef mince and tweet about it to make my friends jealous >watch Waiting For Forever > nap at almost 6 > woke up around 8 > wait around/adoring Ryan Gosling > tweeting > Facebooking > blogging. Yeah. But from after I woke up I pretty much have no idea what did I do. Oh where does the study fit? NOWHERE.

3. I'm having massive headache right now. I had a terrible dream about my junior and some babies (the latter looked petrifying BTW) and somehow it looks like a puzzle now.

4. I feel like I've been toyed around by some parties for some times. It's annoying as hell.

4. I MISS MY BOYFRIEND SO BADLY IT HURTS. Today I cried while talking to him (initially because I got excited seeing him), but after that it's because I told him what did I feel wrong. He's my best friend. I can tell everything to him. What I'm upset about, what I'm happy about, what are my dreams, how do I feel about certain things. With no censorship. I am most honest with him. And especially at times like this, I miss him being around. I know for sure that whenever I'm feeling down and all teary, he would wipe and kiss the tears away. He would give me his comforting hugs and he would hold my hand firm and tell me that everything's going to be okay (although most of the time I'll be too happy being with him that everything else that's supposed to be disappointing/depressing doesn't matter).

5. I MISS MY BOYFRIEND SO BADLY IT HURTS.

6. I MISS MY BOYFRIEND SO BADLY IT HURTS.

7. I MISS MY BOYFRIEND SO BADLY IT HURTS.

Okbye. Wish me luck for tomorrow (yes luck is all I need considering my intense effort of studying).

p.s: I don't know where did my affinity for Ryan Gosling came from. I mean I HATE HIS BEARD LIKE SERIOUSLY. Little scruff = acceptable. Clean shave = GET IN MY PANTS NOW. But beard? GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME OR I SWEAR I'LL SHAVE YOUR WHOLE FREAKING FACE WITH NO WARNING. But why did I like him, out of the blue?

p.p.s: You know how cute it is when a guy went to a wedding and says "The wedding was grand and lovely"? Guys, is this cryptic and means something or is it just an honest opinion? Because I can tell if a girl says so it means somehow she wishes her wedding to be just as great LOL.

Happy birthday sayang

2011-06-11T00:43:00.000+12:00

Hi I'm sorry if you're annoyed (especially if you're my friend and boyfriend's on Facebook, and follow me on Twitter), but I am really really super excited right now.

It's June 11th, and my boyfriend is officially 22 now! :))♥ ♥

Yup, this guy. It's his birthday today.
Okay the choice of picture is mean xD
Wait I'll post something else.

Okay fair la sikit letak gambal model-esque kan. LOL.

I don't know why I always get super excited and chirpy when it's his birthday. Maybe I am just really happy and thankful that he's born. So for his birthday this year, I'm gonna list down a few reasons why he is such a great guy in my eyes.

.
.
.
.
.
OKNO. I'm not gonna, because I prefer keeping it to myself. Hehe.

Today I wish I could be with him, near him. I know, he has to work and all, but if I were there, I'd drag him out for a fancy birthday dinner. YES I SAID FANCY. If he's like too tired to go out, it's okay. He can stay home and I'll cook for him.

It'll be a very nice birthday dinner, if it's just the two of us, uih lagi la.. it'll be the night you can never forget bby. Hehe.

But too bad, I can't. And I do have a birthday present for you this year, no worries. When I said I never missed your birthday present, it doesn't mean I want to start now. But you'd have to wait some times to get the present. :)

I love you so much sayang. Happy birthday.

Hugs and kisses.
xx
♥

//UPDATE
p.s: I cuma ingat hari ni birthday you sampai terlupa hari ni AKL Photo Day! Nampak kat blog Izzati pun dah terlambat :P Takpe, I sayang you so I tak kisah missing out on that :D

Of A Fever You Can't Sweat Out.

2011-06-09T20:41:00.001+12:00

First song I heard: of course I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Favorite song: all, but I like Lying Is The Most Fun for its expressiveness. And Time To Dance for its beat.
Favorite video: Build God Then We'll Talk. It's so sad.

It tells the story of how empty a relationship can be. Although every thing seems nice and what the society deemed as perfect, it can be so unreal sometimes. But the song's so direct and honest. Something I really love.

p.s: Do not click play if you don't like vulgarity. Or if you're at work (NSFW). But please click if you want to know how deep the video is.
Have you seen But It's Better If You Do? The video's awesome. But I wish THAT's the video for There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Figured It Out Yet. The burlesque theme fits that song more!
Almost every song in the album is about cheating girlfriend (from Ryan Ross' experience).
Camisado is full with hospital reference. Nice.
Back in Malaysia I used to put the CD on every time I drive to work. So it feels REALLY weird to listen to the songs in shuffle :/
The album is divided into two parts. Track 1(Introduction)-7, Track 8(Intermission)-13. Track 1's ending matches with track 2's beginning, while Track 9's ending matches with Track 10.
In simpler words, But It's Better If You Do's ending matches with I Write Sins Not Tragedies. Try, have a listen.

Okay two confessions. 1) I am fucking obsessed with Panic (you should know that by now). But not in the fangirlish way every time, mostly just because how cryptic and mysterious and deep they are (not WERE, ARE). 2) My lexi expanded (??) learning their songs = I learn more words from them. And they made me pay more attention to literature. No kidding.

//UPDATE//

Oh, nak dengar lawak hari ni? Orang Salak Tinggi, tapi cakap Bahasa Jawa tu 'lame'. Yang lagi tak boleh blah, statement dia berbunyi exactly macam ni: "that language was lame". WAS! Halo bang, awak tu orang Jawa. Kalau tak pun, duduk kawasan orang Jawa. And kalau kau nak pura2 macam cool habis tak main la cakap Jawa ni, SILA BETULKAN GRAMMAR DULU OK. Kau dah terer cakap bahasa lain kau nak cakap bahasa sendiri lame, silakan.

Aku Jawa kut. Walaupun tak boleh cakap Jawa.

Turning Kiwi soon.

2011-06-08T18:22:00.000+12:00

Because I'd have to say "Hi, how's it going?" to averagely 45 people per hour. And if I work averagely 10 hours per week, that's 450 people. Damn it.

Haha just kidding. I'm fine with anything, as long as I get to do what I like, Alhamdulillah :)

On the other hand, just wrapped up our assignments for this semester.

I know I should be glad, but I don't want to. Because we still have to sit for the examination mid-June.

Maybe I'll start studying tomorrow. Hehe.

p.s. : Also, trying to see if I can learn French in the same way I learned English? Through mimicry and imitation? Jawapan selepas iklan (tiba)

A sappy post.

2011-06-08T00:31:00.001+12:00

Hi. Okay. So this is my boyfriend. Some of you already know his full name, so I'll introduce him as Naim to those who don't know. He was my schoolmate while we were in primary, and somehow fate brought us together post-SPM. He came into my life unexpectedly. That time, I only wished for a summer fling. Because I had my heart broken before summer (ala, you know what I mean). But he stayed for more than one summer. Okay I won't bore you with the history.

We weren't the same people we met the last three years and a half. We didn't change, we grew. And all the growing, weren't always good, but we stayed next to each other. Sometimes I hate his guts, really. Sometimes he pisses me off greatly. But his love will always be greater. It heals all wounds. His laugh is sweetest sound I ever heard. His heartbeat, they are always mad, but always calming and comforting.

I once told him, he is what every girl wish they have. He begged to differ. But I always believe, I will always be at great, massive, untold loss if he is with someone else. Someone else would have him, and be happy with him, and will utter the exact same words I told him. I will never be able to live with that. So I decided to do whatever it takes to make him stay.

Dear sayang, I am not the greatest girl on Earth. Not the prettiest, not the kindest, not the most graceful. I know that. I have bad temper, I curse a lot (I swear I am trying to take it down now), I am selfish, most of the times annoying and also crazy. But how you love me, how you accept me for me, and how you always believe in me, keeps me alive.

Thanks for being there. Thanks for being my great love. L'amour fou.

Our love is crazy (we're always on this crazy roller coaster). Our love isn't always perfect. But our love is the only thing we need.

Here's to our 3 years and 6 months. Almost four years. I still love you more than you can ever imagine or feel.

You're my definition of BEAUTIFUL. I miss your skin when you were East.

DAY TEN: ONE PICTURE

2011-06-07T16:08:00.000+12:00

FINALLY. THE END OF THE 10-DAY YOU CHALLENGE.

DAY TEN: ONE PICTURE.

"It's okay kalau rumah kita kecik. Kita akan buat dia cantik jugak. We'll make it our home."

♥

Day Nine: Two Songs

2011-06-05T00:26:00.000+12:00

OMGOMG I'm almost done with this thing! Two songs:

1. "When the moon fell in love with the sun, always golden in the sky, always golden when the day met the night"
- When The Day Met The Night, Panic! At The Disco.

This song is so very beautifully written. Nuff' said.

2. "I know the world's a broken bone, but melt your headache call it home"
- Northern Downpour, Panic! At The Disco.

Everybody should listen to this song.

I know, I sound a little bit biased for choosing only Panic's songs, but truly I love most of their songs because it's 1) very relatable (and no, they are not 'emo') 2) beautifully written 3) deep 4) complex. I don't know, you're gonna have to spend a whole evening with me to listen to me explaining really. :)

Day Eight: Three Films

2011-06-03T16:24:00.000+12:00

Geez I have so many favorite movies it's impossible to choose just three! But here goes, the movies I can watch over and over again and not get bored of.

Fired Up
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
Push.

There are also Inception, 500 Days of Summer, and about 53 more :D

The appointment.

2011-06-02T20:52:00.000+12:00

Okay can I ramble juuuusssssttttt a little bit more before I go off studying/completing my ten-day challenge?

So I went to the Health Center today. I was there on an advice from a friend to get some advice (lol). So since I was mentally sick (that was an exaggeration alright) I thought they'd make us feel better about ourselves there. But check this out, I was given THIS:

Yeah, way to make me feel less sick, doc -.-'

Had quite a good session with some weird ramblings and everything a.k.a curhat session as Ika would say LOL. But I love some incidental funny slips (because she tried so hard to be formal, but I'm so casual).

Her: *while writing down about my personal life* Do you prefer man or woman?
Me: Err.. Umm.. Okay this is awkward...
//silent
Her: OH THAT WAS A TRICK QUESTION! I mean do you prefer man or woman counselor.
Me: Oh God thank you! I don't mind really :)

In my head I already heard her asking "what about sexually?" -_____-"

Her: Do you have a regular doctor?
Me: What, here?
Her: Yis (yes). Because you said you've been to the Health Centre (I bet she spells it like this) before?
Me: Well I've only been here once. And I was assigned to Dr. Mark C_____. *the one I had a crush on*
Her: He's a great doctor.
Me: He is... kind of! (I didn't want her to think that I have a crush on him)
Her: *laughs*
Me: I mean, he IS a great doctor.. kind of.
Her: *laughs*
Me: I'm so sorry, I mean he IS a great doctor. I'm gonna stop right there, let's skip to the next question!
Her: I promise I won't tell him the 'kind of's.

Me:*heavy curhat* I hate March. Err okay that was random.
Her: Yeah, that was really random. Why do you hate March?
Me: Because in March I'd feel like I've been through a lot and in, say, September, if I look back in my journal I'd go "What? Why was I such an emotional bitch in March?" you know?
Her: I don't know. But yeah that was random.

LOL.

When I walked out of the Health Center I saw Dr Mark C______ but I was too ashamed that I said 'he's great...kind of' so I didn't say hi LOL.

Day Seven: Four Books.

2011-06-02T15:33:00.000+12:00

Hm okay this is hard.

A Model For Living, obviously.
Palo Alto
A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend
WANT TO READ: Tony Hawk: How Did I Get Here?

done!

Make me stay.

2011-06-02T09:41:00.000+12:00

I don't even know where to begin to describe how much I hate winter.

And this winter? More shit. Wait, I don't know if I should say it's a blessing in disguise or it's a total shit above something good. Why? Because it's freaking winter but it's so sunny outside! I can't wear thick overcoat in such bright sun. But I can't stand wearing a one-layer because it's cold. Yeah, in a way I am happy that the sun is out (although it really has no effect on the temperature), but I don't fancy the confusion.

Oh yes, what else? It's breakdown week for me. Had nothing on Monday, but test on Tuesday and Wednesday, interview was supposed to be on Tuesday instead it was moved to Thursday (this) morning. And I have Skype at 2 today and appointment at the Health Center at 3. Friday, I have a research proposal to be handed it. Oh no, not stopping yet. Sports training on Saturday and Sunday. I barely had time to breathe, let alone worry about more important things coming *cough*EXAM*cough*. Mom would be mad if she knows that I've been struggling with some health problems that I chose to ignore, and she would definitely make me give up something, I don't know what, maybe sports, maybe side job.

But those who know me well would know, even though it would sound like I whine a lot, being busy is one of the best things that could happen to me. Because 1) I have less time to worry about all the small bad feelings 2) I have less time to worry about others 3) I manage my priorities better.

So, yeay!

On the other hand, I can see Naim all week (that hasn't happen in a long time) and bukan nak gedik ke apa but oh god my boyfriend is so cute lah especially when he smiles. His smile calm me down like seriously. I muka masam pun boleh tersenyum tau! :') Eleh gedik nak malu haha. Okay too bad this week dia macam busy sikit dengan kerja sebab kerja malam but it's fine. I love you still. :')